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He’s Just Not That Into You

January 19, 2010

If you haven’t seen or read He’s Just Not That Into You, do yourself a favor and do both. Its message is so important: rejection is a part of life and learning to recognize it and accept is the only thing that will keep you sane.

Recently my Super Ex felt the need to share a revelation with me, “I’ll always love you, but I know now that it will never work.” Ouch. Oh, and, “I am trying to start dating again.” Double ouch.

I’m not going to deny there was a bit of a pity-/cry-fest there for a second… but now that I’m coming out on the other side I can see: this is for the best. My Super Ex, as much as he cares about me and our past together, is just not that into me anymore. Now I can stop trying to force something that just isn’t there. It’s freeing, in a way.

No more wondering why he hasn’t called, why he never suggests plans even though we talk all day, why he seems not at all concerned that I’m dating. If he was into me, he’d care. And really, I deserve someone that is COMPLETELY into me. I deserve someone who wants to see me and works to make it happen.

It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with me. It means that I’m just not right for him, at least not anymore. But maybe there is someone out there who I am right for. So why waste time worrying over my Super Ex when I can be out there finding the next greatest thing?

Rejection blows. No question about it, but it means someone has recognized something in the relationship that is not going to work. And if you like this person enough to be upset about being rejected, you should also like him enough to respect and trust his judgment. He’s actually doing you a favor. Go find someone more right.

(Get to know me better on Twitter.)
11 Comments leave one →
  1. Antijan permalink
    January 20, 2010 1:28 pm

    Yeah, what you said. It is, for me, next to impossible to remember that the man I want who is not that into me is not really the man I want. I have had to resort to ridiculous and sometimes humiliating measures in the past to get myself to forget about Mr. Not That Into You. But every time I succeed, it really is true that someone better comes along and then it’s like “what was I thinking?? Good thing I didn’t settle for THAT…” Onward and upward. Poco a poco.

  2. Rachel Beth Zamstein permalink
    January 21, 2010 6:40 am

    Yes and no …

    Ive read the book and seen the movie.. I have an open mind. I appreciated greatly the lessons this mindset can teach.. and not to give any false hopes to people.. (god forbid people have hopes about finding true love)

    sometimes, people are legitimately broken, and people do not all fit into a box. Thats like saying any stereotypic statement and getting away with it.. the friend of mine who lent me this book has actually told me twice that the guy I was dating was not that into me.. and the first time she may have been right and it hurt like hell to go through what i thought was “losing” something real when actually I was gaining a lot more.

    The second time however, just proves that like in the end of the movie sometimes.. people need to know what they are giving up so that they don’t make a wrong move. If you are not passionate and forthcoming with your feelings then you can never know what might be … if you are forthcoming and honest and the guy says that he likes your friend Jane then I’m sorry girl and lets eat something really bad for us together and cry about it… then lets get over it and find our true love.

    True love can seem like magic, and it is. It should be, there is nothing wrong with that and its not stupid to believe in that fairy tale feeling. Love’s greatest power and gift (I feel) is the power to transform. That in itself is magical isn’t it? So why would you look a gift towards in the mouth? I feel like this sentiment of he’s not that into you brigade is a bit overboard.. the truth is simple yes but people are not. We have emotions and baggage, and sometimes we have to dig together to get to what is real.
    I believe in a thing called love, damnit. Just listen to the rhythm of my heart please.


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