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The Nice Guy Conundrum

February 9, 2010

We all know him. Some of us have tried to date him and failed miserably, he is simply too considerate and sweet to be tolerated: The Nice Guy. Recently I was confronted by a Nice Guy; he wanted me to explain just why being The Nice Guy got him no where.

This is a difficult question. After all, we all want to end up with someone nice, yes? But there’s something about the Nice Guy that screams “I REALLY LIKE YOU.” That can be both overwhelming and repelling.

Let’s look at the evidence. The Nice Guy wears his heart on his sleeve. He doesn’t keep his options open; he focuses on you and let’s you know it. Talk about pressure.

The Nice Guy presents zero challenge. You feel like if you agree to date number one you’ll be engaged in two weeks. Granted this might not be true, but it feels awfully likely. And that is scary enough. Anyone liking you more than you like them is a turn off.

The Nice Guy does nice stuff. He does nice stuff all. the. time. Coming home to flowers is amazing when it’s a special treat, but if everyday it’s either flowers, or chocolates, or dinner, or a sappy card, or some such treat… Well it loses it’s meaning and becomes tiresome.

This is where Nice Guys get defensive: “but girls want that stuff!” Yeah. We do. We want it when it means something, and this is why the Bad Boy that has the rare moment of considerate behavior wins out over the Nice Guy. Nice Guys do nice stuff, that’s just how they are. But when a Bad Boy is nice? Swoon! He must love me.

My word of advice to the Nice Guy: Reign it in! Less is more, but none is not enough.

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