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Dating Files: The First Step’s A Doozy

February 23, 2010

A few years ago I tried out the internet dating thing. Seeing as I was 22, I wasn’t really ready to be dating adults, but I didn’t get that yet.

This guy Mike (I’m just gonna use his name because I have no idea who he is anymore and I couldn’t pick him out of a line up. So if you’re reading this, Hey Mike!) took me out for drinks and we had a decent enough time that he extended the invitation to go with him over to his buddy’s house for a birthday party.

Being 22, and deducing that I was, in effect, heading to a house party, I immediately switched from date-mode to get-shitfaced-and-dance-on-things mode. To add to the escalation in my behavior, we walked into the party only to find a game of flipcup already underway.

A normal girl on a first date might caution herself to watch her intake and remain ladylike yet not stiff.

I went with the other extreme. I jumped into the flip cup game with gusto, shouting “OHMYGOD i’m SO GOOD at flipcup. Prepare to be SCHOOLED.” I then played 3 or so rounds, cheering and cajoling my teammates and adversaries with charming quips like “BITCH, CHUG.”

To his credit, Mike rolled with it. He joined in with my jeering and played a round or two himself. My memory starts to get a bit hazy, but the next thing I know, it’s time for the whole crew to head to the bar. Out the back door we go, down the deck steps. And then, a jumble, a tumble, a fall, ass over teakettle… I land crumpled at the bottom of the stairs and all I know is I’ve either got a broken heel or a broken ankle.

Mike was like, “Oh! Are you OK?!” And was trying to right me. Afraid that embarrassment might actually cause death, I shout, “Yep! I’mgoodthinkIbrokeaheelbettergetacabOKwellthanksfortonightOKBYE!” And frantically limped into the street and hailed a cab. Didn’t even look back, which is good because it would have been 20 drunk and confused party goers looking back quizzically at me.

Never a second date, if you can believe it.

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