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Out Sales-ed

March 23, 2010

Click on this chick to buy her badass from Etsy

I’ve mentioned before how I fancy myself a business maven. So when I thought I’d met a great business lead at a fancy scotch tasting, I was psyched.

I consulted with my boss and the sales team members. I prepped a whole pitch. I imagined what type of bonus landing a new client might earn me. I dressed appropriately and headed out the door to meet Business Lead at the lounge he had suggested.

I arrived and my stomach sunk. Business Lead was nervous; I could smell it a mile away. And there is no reason for a guy about to be hit with a sales pitch to be nervous. Something was up. I had miscalculated.

I approached the table and sat down. He launched into an uncomfortable greeting, thanking me for coming. “I’ve ordered two scotches for you to sample. This one is characterized by its blah blah blah where as this one has hints of lemon and summers day. I’ve put in an order for some flatbread pizza for you, it’s delicious here. How have you been?”

Sirens flared: RED ALERT. THIS IS A DATE.

There were two main problems with this surprise date:

1. Love Interest E and I are now exclusive. I’d landed myself on a date just days after I committed to only seeing one person. Not the best way to start off a new relationship.

2. I told everyone at work I was bringing in new business. Living this business meeting turned romantic evening down with as little humiliation as possible should prove to be interesting.

I had to try to save my ass. For the rest of the night I steered the conversation desperately towards business, talking about the particulars of my company and our products and services. He seemed to be biting, I thought I might be able to salvage the sale.

He was into it alright, but not for the right reasons. “How about we do this again? You’re so cute when you talk business.” That’s when I realized, this Jedi master, he’d known all along; he’d used my sales pitch to pitch a sale of his own.

But I’m not buying.

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. March 23, 2010 8:47 am

    I’m sorry, but — fuck that guy. :-/ “You’re so cute when you talk business?” Not appropriate.

    Also, when did you become exclusive with Love Interest E? Congrats!

    • March 23, 2010 10:16 am

      seriously! condescending much?

      the exclusive talk was actually more of a series of awkward jokes and off-hand comments that finally resulted in one of us mentioning it as exclusive. so we went with it. but its still not a “relationship” if that makes sense. he’s still single on facebook 😦 plotting when/if I should make an off-hand comment about that. “saw you’re single on FB. wanna hook up sometime?”

  2. March 23, 2010 11:51 am

    Whoa! That was a sneaky move! When will those boneheads realize that we’re on to them, we’re smarter than them, and that shit isn’t going to fly!

    • March 23, 2010 12:00 pm

      hopefully when they realize that any date landed by trickery is not really a date at all. I felt like a mouse must feel the second between realizing that cheese wasn’t just free and that the big metal bar is about to snap its neck…

  3. March 29, 2010 8:42 pm

    Oh NO, that is so awkward!! I would probably have pretended to head toward the bathroom and just made a break for it.

    • March 29, 2010 9:53 pm

      i suspect him of pre-empting that move, our table was directly between the bathroom and the exit! and yes, it was very awkward indeed.

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