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What’s In An Ex?

March 25, 2010

I admit it: I fell victim to temptation and finally took to Facebook to stalk Love Interest E. At first, it was all fun and games and “ooo look how cute”s.

Then I stumbled on the Ex.

And it made me feel like this monkey.

Believe you me, Ex and I have nothing in common. From looks (she must be 10 years older), to style (is there a nice way to say schoolmarm?) to religion (she’s thumping Bibles), we appear to be diametric opposites. I’m not exaggerating here, Roommate did a margarita spit take when I showed her the picture. I cannot figure out how Love Interest E could move from Ex to me.

By my age, people have generally dated enough to have a rough idea of what and who they’re looking for. Sure, each experience further shapes our soulmate wishlist, but in general we know who we work best with and whose calls can be left unreturned.

So then how has Love Interest E managed to take a liking to both Ex and myself? By all accounts, I’m basically the Anti-Ex. There is something a little questionable about moving between polar opposites.

I took the quandary to the streets and was met with a resounding, “Don’t over think it.”

One of my fav’s, FeliciaCago, reminded me that it’s not my job to figure out why E likes me, but rather to figure out if and why I like him back. And that, of course, is correct. To question why someone might like you is a sadistic exercise in self-critique which can only lead to doubt and mistrust.

And what must Love Interest E think of my motley crue of Exes anyway? There’s bald Tattooed Deadbeat man, pretty boy Super Ex, Way Too Old For Me guy and CrazyFace the fratty commitment-phobe. My litany of Exes reads like a teen magazine article on “Boys To Avoid.”

So for now I will forgive Love Interest E his Ex and remember that who people are on the outside (or in their Facebook pictures) does not always convey their interior selves. There must have been something in Ex that made her worthy of Love Interest E and he must see something similar in me. And that will have to be enough.

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14 Comments leave one →
  1. cyrae permalink
    March 25, 2010 10:37 am

    Not EVERYONE has it figured out by “about your age”! I have also dated those who LOOKED like they’d be a match but then it just didn’t work. Many things are revealed over time that are not immediately apparent …

    • March 25, 2010 10:51 am

      oh but oh man, you should see the picture… its baffling.

      but yes, my own path of man-choices have not been very linear to the outside observer… yet to me they all made sense, at least at the time.

  2. March 25, 2010 11:50 am

    I said THAT? How uncharacteristically sensible.

    Indeed, it isn’t to be deciphered what they like about us because what is there NOT to like?

    L.I.E. (hee!) is the lucky one, and from the look of that gal’s picture he got tired of kneeling at the alter of zero va-va-vooom.

    • March 25, 2010 12:08 pm

      you were sensible indeed. gave me the internet version of a healthy double shoulder shake.

      and L.I.E.’s got plenty of Va and Voom to work with over here. 😉

  3. March 25, 2010 12:30 pm

    Well… taken that it’s the EX.. means things didn’t work out. She was not a match for him.

    I have certainly dated men who resemble nothing in what I’m interested in right now. (ie the 6’5 basketball player with a peanut for a brain). Part of the reason is, well because I dated them and figured out that what they are about is not for me.

    Although I always CRINGE when I see a picture of a non-attractive ex… because the immediate reaction will always be.. wow he found THAT attractive… WTF he’s also into me. And then as any regular woman for a second I doubt myself. And then… well I wake up from the freaking lala land.

    • March 25, 2010 12:38 pm

      its true! i cringe when people ask me what i saw in Bald Tattooed Deadbeat man. i feel like he needs a disclaimer: THAT IS NOT MY TYPE, PEOPLE!

  4. Anna permalink
    March 25, 2010 12:50 pm

    You should be worried if the EX is EXACTLY like you! Because then maybe he’s trying to make you be a replacement for her. So that always worries me. Like if a guy I date’s exgf looks like the brokedown Payless version of me, then I run. Run fast. So be happy!! Very happy! Best of luck! X

    • March 25, 2010 12:57 pm

      Haaa!! “brokedown Payless” i’m totally stealing that.

      I’m definitely not a replacement, that much is very obvious. Forget the shoes, that’s one french braid (!) I couldn’t fill.

    • March 27, 2010 9:12 am

      I agree with Anna. How creepy is it that all of Tiger’s hoors look so much like his wife, in that white, blond, barbie doll sense. Self-loathe much? But that’s a blog post for another day.

  5. April 9, 2010 4:02 am

    Every time I come to theengagementproject.wordpress.com you have another remarkable article up. A friend of mine was talking to me about this topic a few weeks ago, so I think I will send them the link here and see what they say.

  6. April 22, 2010 9:16 am

    I’m 11, ugh fine, almost 12 years older than you. I’m still trying to figure it out, second time around. You’re rocking the shit out of your dating twenties, exactly the way you should be. I only wish I were as brave now as I was when I was dating in my 20’s. You’re my cute little beacon of hope. You remind me to be brave and to eff the haters. Not literally. That would be whore-y. I heart ya.

  7. April 23, 2010 6:34 am

    Maybe she wasn’t worthy of him and that’s why she’s an ex?

    Sometimes people take up with other people out of convenience or lust rather than common factors.

    Good thing: He chose you so you’re obviously superior in EVERY way 🙂

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