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Feeling Out The Future

March 28, 2010

You all know my stance on marriage: I lust after it. The romanticized version of marriage as blissful oneness has never done much for me. Rather it’s the challenge I find enticing: turning love between two people into a lifelong sustainable bond, into a family.

But not everyone sees marriage this way.

The stereotype is that men see marriage as a death sentence, as the end of their virile days, as a virtual castration. I, actually, have never had a man express those fears to me. No, most of the marriage nay-sayers I know are women.

Some people just aren’t into marriage which adds another twist when you’re sorting marriage material. Does your material want to be married in the end?

Love Interest E has a friend recently destroyed by his live-in girlfriend of 3 years, who revealed she never wants to marry or have kids. Now, one could argue, there is no way she hid this for three years. He was either ignoring what she was saying or hoping she’d change her mind. That is likely true. You must listen to, understand and accept your love interest’s goals for the future.

Which, of course, assumes you’ve talked about it.

Love Interest E and I hadn’t. A little on the early side? Sure. We’ve only been officially dating for about 6 weeks. But the last thing I need is to waste 6 months only to find out that our goals come nowhere near converging.

So I backed into it; I waited for him to bring up his recently heartbroken friend, then stumbled “So what do you think about all that stuff anyway?” Eloquent, huh? I have such a way with words.

Having this conversation early on was a risk, but as risks sometimes do, it paid off. After clarifying that I was, in fact, asking about marriage and family, I was rewarded with a well-thought out and sincere answer. Turns out Love Interest E and I have nearly identical goals and timelines, which means this hopefully wont end with me sobbing out front of Tiffany’s on Michigan Avenue.

There’s another item marked off the compatibility checklist.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. March 30, 2010 9:03 am

    I know a great makeup artist for the wedding 😉 and I better be invited!

    • March 30, 2010 9:07 am

      its good to see someone is even worse than me with getting ahead of themselves 🙂 but yes, you will be invited. how could i not invite the most fabulous geekling i know?

  2. cyrae permalink
    March 30, 2010 9:24 pm

    =:O I’m not ready!

    • March 31, 2010 8:34 am

      thought this one might give you a heart attack. here’s a warning: read the second post this week at your own risk.

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