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How To Destroy Your Relationship In Ten Boozy Hours

April 21, 2010

This past weekend I was a real piece of work.

Here’s a handy guide to quickly and painlessly ruining a relationship:

12:00pm – Have lunch: half a plate of fried calamari, one Bloody Mary, half a pitcher of Sangria and a SoCo lime shot.

1:30pm – Enjoy the outdoors: buy a case of Miller Lite and go drink outside.

3:30pm – The more the merrier: drunkenly text boyfriend and invite him to the party.

5pm – Refuse to eat: you have a figure to watch! Drink more beer to address any hunger issues.

8pm – Continue the fun: go to the bar with boyfriend and 7 of his closest friends. Be sure you are the drunkest one.

9:45pm – Notice that boyfriend is talking to a highschool friend who’s crying. This is not acceptable because you must have his undivided attention. Demand that he dance with you. Get gently rebuffed.

9:47pm – Try again. Get gently rebuffed.

9:49pm – Try again. Get gently rebuffed. Fly into a jealous rage. Slam full beer bottle on neighboring table, creating a Miller Lite geyser & completely soaking an innocent couple. Scream, “FUCKKKK YOUUUUUU” at your aghast boyfriend.

9:50pm – Run out of bar yelling. Angrily stomp the mile home, screaming and crying at boyfriend over the phone as he tries to calm you down and locate you. Tell him “Come over RIGHT NOW…. FINE. THEN I WILL NEVER. ANSWER. YOUR CALLS. AGAINNNNN!”

10pm – Pass out in your bed, alone with your cat.

See? Easy.

Sigh, poor Love Interest E. Suffice it to say he was not pleased with me Sunday. I spent the day waiting for his call and obsessing on Twitter. After several hours of cool down time and then an intense grovel session, I’m safely back in his good graces.

Guess I’ll be laying off the day drinking for awhile…

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131 Comments leave one →
  1. April 21, 2010 8:26 am

    Here’s the thing about alcohol: it’s like human beings in general. It has the capacity for almost infinite good (i.e. helping out in social situations, making things less awkward, helping you forget things that, if you remembered them, you’d be HELLA glad you forgot) and almost infinite bad.

    However, Love Interest E has proven himself to be a great guy. If he can love you at your worst, he certainly deserves to have you when you’re at your best. 🙂

    — your friend who has also made her share of mistakes (at times with the help of alcohol, at times without)

    • April 21, 2010 3:01 pm

      I don’t believe that there is any benefit to drinking alcohol. One shouldn’t need alcohol to “loosen up”. Alot of the problems with drinking can be solved by not drinking.

      • Anderson permalink
        April 22, 2010 7:23 am

        I agree. Drinking till the point of intoxication doesn’t make the problem go away. But then again some people drink for fun. Ah the ever so complex human…

    • Hoosier Tom permalink
      April 21, 2010 5:42 pm

      I might have written your comment back when I was a drinker. I was never an alcoholic, but I quite cold turkey one day because I was sending my kids the wrong message by drinking and then behaving like an ass.

      A funny thing happened after I quit. The world came into focus more clearly, probably because my friends continued to drink. I watched them blow their lives up under the influence one by one. I get no joy from being right. It has been painful to watch.

      I have come to realize that alcohol is marketed in a way that makes us believe it’s a harmless social tool when it is anything but. We believe it makes us more sophisticated to the opposite sex when in reality it makes us stupid. We believe it makes us more in control when it makes us dangerously out of control.

      The funny thing about alcohol is that when you look at a drunk, he or she looks pathetic unless you’re also drunk. I know for a fact, because I haven’t touched the stuff in six years and I’ve been doing a lot of watching. I feel sorry for all the people who have been led to believe this dangerous drug is a harmless social toy.

      • April 22, 2010 5:35 am

        Totally agree Tom.
        I’m a cabbie and I spend my evenings watching people come out of the clubs unable to walk. They pile into my car and spew toxic rubbish that none of them would dare do in the day.
        We are all feeling insecure, sensitive and alone, and drinking may appear to make us feel like those feelings have gone away. They haven’t, as anyone consolling a drunk knows.
        Instead we become aggressive, precious, rude and arrogant. Its unattractive and unappealing except to someone else who is drunk, and it allows people to take advantage of us in ways we would never allow normally.

  2. April 21, 2010 8:32 am

    You are so not alone in this! I put FF through SEVERAL alcohol fueled tantrums (ok, it’s still known to happen on occasion) the first few months of our relationship. The right guy will let you know its not cool, but make you laugh about it anyway 🙂

  3. April 21, 2010 8:40 am

    classic story. loves it.

  4. becky permalink
    April 21, 2010 8:53 am

    If I had a dollar for every time I saw this go down with one of my friends…

    🙂

  5. April 21, 2010 8:55 am

    Oh, lord! I’ve been there, but luckily that was a million years ago and I’m married now. Sounds like E. is a keeper.
    Funny blog! Glad I found you via the front page.

  6. April 21, 2010 8:55 am

    Awesome story. Needs more pictures of the festivities.

  7. April 21, 2010 8:59 am

    Haha… I think you are me. Or I am you. Or we had some cosmic life sharing experience this weekend. Can you say same – same – but – NOT – different?

    =)

  8. April 21, 2010 9:14 am

    Been there, done that. But in my case it didn’t end so well. My now ex used my drunken rage as an opportunity and an excuse to hook up with his ex girlfriend. He blames our break up on me, but I know different.

  9. April 21, 2010 9:27 am

    Bad as that story is, take solice in the fact that you are not Lindsey Lohan.

  10. April 21, 2010 9:31 am

    I personally appreciate the humour in your hindsight.

    For all of the weekly drunken tantrums thrown by girlfriends slighted, there is almost never a public addressing of their self-inflicted dressing down from the night before.

    society progresses!

  11. April 21, 2010 9:35 am

    I feel like I see this alot living in a college town… similar occurrences on a smaller scale in my own relationship :/

  12. Nikki permalink
    April 21, 2010 9:40 am

    I’m glad I saw this on the front page! I’m glad that your story ended with things being alright… At least that makes me not feel so bad for laughing at the situation! 🙂
    I’ve seen this happen with a few couples, and have been in my share of these squabbles… And I always find it so hard not to laugh in the middle of it…

  13. April 21, 2010 9:41 am

    Wait, did we date at some point?

  14. April 21, 2010 9:57 am

    This is me except instead of a cat it is a rabbit.

  15. April 21, 2010 9:57 am

    Brilliant story and worded perfectly! I’m glad I saw this on the front page!

  16. April 21, 2010 10:00 am

    beautiful wisdom. I will take it with me on this path of life.

  17. April 21, 2010 10:06 am

    Ahhhh…way too many of those nights in my recent past! I actually stopped drinking for good exaclt 1 year and 11 days ago when this was happening to me and my boyfriend on a weekly basis…Today, still together…and happier then EVER!

    ~GG

  18. cyrae permalink
    April 21, 2010 10:10 am

    But wait – you were still UPRIGHT at 9:50 pm?

    Congrats for “keeping it real and honest” on your blog. I see a lot of other (and new) readers think so as well!

  19. April 21, 2010 10:12 am

    this is my life. EVERY time i go out! i fail at life.

  20. April 21, 2010 10:14 am

    hahaha! This cracked me up!

  21. April 21, 2010 10:16 am

    Classic. Absolutely classic. Adore it. Another really great way to ensure the imminent demise of your relationship and employment is the use and abuse of social networking sites.

    “These days, everyone and anyone belongs to one social networking site or another. This should be your first clue it might be a good idea to be a little bit careful about what you’re broadcasting via the worldwide web. Unfortunately, our generation has a nasty habit of over-sharing. In honor of that, here’s a list of ten insultingly obvious things you shouldn’t do on Facebook…”

    http://grubbygirls.wordpress.com/2010/04/06/oversharing-2-0-social-networking-no-nos/

  22. GBHull permalink
    April 21, 2010 10:16 am

    Short, sweet and to the point. We could make a movie about this. I’ll call it “The Drunk and reprehensive”. I don’t miss those younger days. Just a pint on the patio for me these days.

  23. April 21, 2010 10:20 am

    Wow…just wow. This is so not OK behavior. And whoever said the “he’s learned to deal with your worst, so he deserves your best” is an idiot. Seriously, he should have dumped you on the spot. All the alcohol did was bring to the surface your need for constant attention. Your self-centered tantrum is clear evidence you need to grow up.

    You make it sound like no big deal…but it is…a very big deal.

    • April 21, 2010 10:24 am

      wow. you are SO not fun.

      • April 21, 2010 10:31 am

        Yeah…and it’s not like we haven’t all made this mistake before! Sheesh. Chill out.

        • April 21, 2010 3:12 pm

          Are you serious? Does this really pass as normal behavior for you?

      • April 21, 2010 10:47 am

        Being fun is not my job. My friends don’t rely on me because I stroke their ego. They call on me because I’m no BS. (I know I’m a total stranger here and, ultimately, stroking my own ego).

        But, explain to me how your behavior was OK? All alcohol does is turn off your filter and allow more of the “real” you to surface. From this story, it is clear that you:

        1. Lack empathy (His friend was crying…turn of the you radar for a few minutes)
        2. Intensely insecure
        3. Clearly abusive (smashing a beer bottle is AGGRESSIVE)
        4. Clearly abusive (making demands and threatening to never speak to them again is AGGRESSIVE).

        Alcohol is an excuse which both of you are using to gloss over what happened.

        What disturbs me most are the “comments” here. Every comment is positive and noone will call you on it. Some even treat the behavior like it’s “cute” and “normal”…but really, it’s neither. [although, as I point out in some of my own writing, it has become the “norm” of behavior]

        So yeah, I’m not fun…but, for your boyfriend’s sake, people should really not call this story “cute”…

        If you want to ensure you never do this again, you need to determine what causes those behaviors in the first place…

        FYI, if this comment is not fun, you can delete it…I’m cool with that…

        • April 21, 2010 10:50 am

          I’ll keep it. No worries.

          You’re so silly!

        • April 21, 2010 12:33 pm

          What surprises me most about this comment is not your disdain for the English language and inability to compose your thoughts in a clear, concise manner. Nor is it your blatant reference to your own writing (“turn OFF the you radar for a few minutes”). What surprises me is that you actually have friends! I am assuming, naturally, that you don’t judge them based solely on their mistakes.

          • April 21, 2010 12:49 pm

            1. I have no illusions about being a self-important, pompous prick. I’m pretty clear and out in the open about it. I have a pretty big “You Radar” and it serves me well.

            2. I keep the company of people who expect to be called on their BS and I expect the same.

            3. Think of it this way, what if a man had written this same blog, what would you think then? Would his beer smashing be so cute or funny? No, we would think of him as a violent and abusive. I’m only holding her behavior to the same standard.

            • April 21, 2010 12:55 pm

              ok i’m gonna clarify – not smashing – slamming. as in putting down firmly. and beer spouted out the top. no broken bottles brandished over here.

              and Teacher – i honestly welcome your criticism although i think the venue you’ve chosen is kind of strange. I’ve supplied my email (engagementproject2010@gmail.com) if you really are concerned.

              so from now on, keep it nice and gentle and you can stay. but if you get overly aggressive with my commenters i’m going to edit your comments to make you seem sillier than you already do.

              kittens and giggles,
              Bea

              • No bones texan permalink
                April 21, 2010 5:09 pm

                My goodness, you’re not only a bad drunk, but a comment Nazi as well. I wouldn’t have stopped if you weren’t on the front page. After reading the story, I think I understand why you’re on the front page. You may not want to hear it sister, but put the booze away for good and your life will be better. Leave teach alone, too. He makes a whole lot more sense than you do.

        • justaddh2o permalink
          April 21, 2010 2:51 pm

          teacher got a point!

    • April 21, 2010 10:38 am

      I smell a Virgin

    • April 21, 2010 11:19 am

      I didn’t read that her behavior was no big deal. It read more like she was aware of her faults and learning from them. Hence why she said she needs to lay off the booze for a while.

      It seems a little dramatic to break up with someone because they were ‘needy’ when drunk. No one is perfect. What happen to talking with the person when they sober up about their behavior? That is what grown ups do. They do not just throw a relationship away over one bad night.

      • April 21, 2010 12:56 pm

        Smashing bottles and creating a public spectacle is not simply “needy”. Ask yourself what would happen if a guy did it to his girlfriend? Would people excuse him as being “needy?”

        And, if she threatens to leave once, she will do it again because it’s a behavior pattern, exposed by booze, not caused by it

      • No bones texan permalink
        April 21, 2010 5:25 pm

        I used to rationalize that laying off for a while was being adult, when of course all I was really doing was rationalizing. Reread the column. Shooters, wine, beer and more beer is not social drinking. Thank God she didn’t have a car. I know plenty of people who behave this way. They regret it for awhile and then they’re back at it. No, this isn’t normal behavior. It’s really quite selfish and immature. It’s simply amazing reading the comments. I hope I don’t cross paths with any of you yahoos on the road tonight. You scare me.

    • No bones texan permalink
      April 21, 2010 5:10 pm

      Gotta agree, Teach. Just because the train hasn’t run off the tracks yet doesn’t mean it isn’t going to.

  24. April 21, 2010 10:30 am

    Apparently we have a perfectionist amongst the commenters.

    Buddy, guess you’ve never made a mistake. Congrats on accomplishing what the rest of the world can’t.

    B – live and learn. Only way to progress. You got this.

    • April 21, 2010 10:55 am

      wow you’re hot! date me?

      • April 21, 2010 1:35 pm

        I’ll consider it if you start playing nice with the other commenters.

    • No bones texan permalink
      April 21, 2010 5:20 pm

      JM: Can’t speak for the other fellow, but I make lots of mistakes. Not proud of any of them. You might even say that I got to the point where I was ashamed of how I behaved when I drank, so I stopped. I didn’t post stories about my behavior or seek validation from the likes of you. This poor woman has a problem and people like you enable it. She should give up the sauce. Hard as it is to believe, life’s more fun sober. One thing that’s never fun is watching another person making a drunken fool of him or herself.

  25. April 21, 2010 10:32 am

    ok thanks

  26. Jack permalink
    April 21, 2010 10:33 am

    Love the article. You should give yourself more credit, you really did it in only 5 minutes.

    “This past weekend I was a real piece of work.”
    (reader casually notices disheveled photo of Tara Reid). Laugh.

    8pm – Continue the fun: go to the bar with boyfriend and 7 of his closest friends. Be sure you are the drunkest one.” Laugh

    9:45-9:50. (reader anticipates that uncomfortable feeling, kinda like watching a sober Michael Scott interact with others). I love the honesty, self-kudos should have been awarded the next day for having an accurate memory while engaging in those 5 minutes.

    Here’s how most would have likely remembered that time…

    9:45pm – Notice that boyfriend is kissing high school girlfriend, girlfriend slips extra key in his pocket. What a cheater, I can’t believe he’s doing this right in front of me!!! Politely ask to have a word with him, get rudely rebuffed, and hear “I’m a gangsta biatch, I do what I want!

    9:47pm – Trying not to be offended, politely ask again, get rudely rebuffed.

    9:49pm – Try again. Get rudely rebuffed. Graciously walk away, and gently set down your drink and say your goodbyes to his friends, casual hugs are exchanged as they all shake their heads in disappointment of his behavior.

    9:50pm – Walk out feeling relieved that you just learned now how much of a jack-ass he is. Decide to enjoy the walk home, the stars are out, the air is clean, much like your new soul, ah life is good. Decide to call a few girlfriends on the way to share in grief and frustration with men, all agree that men suck, validating your appropriate behavior earlier. Boyfriend calls wondering where you are and how you could leave him at the bar, he feels so disrespected, no woman ever leaves him (did I mention he’s a gangsta?). He demands to come over for some late night fun, as he must have been shut down by that other ho at the bar. After finally having enough, I completely lose my temper and say; “Listen boyfriend, will you please just lose my number and never call me again. ok? Thank you, goodbye”

    10pm – Fall asleep petting your cat, “You love me, you’ll never cheat and be mean to me will you Snowball? …that’s right, prrrrr”

  27. Henk Luf permalink
    April 21, 2010 10:35 am

    Oh dear.

  28. April 21, 2010 10:35 am

    wow, sounds like quite a night – I’m surprised you remembered it actually. haha.

    Glad the boyfriend was very nice about it though.

    http://www.tracyzhangphoto.wordpress.com/

  29. Irene permalink
    April 21, 2010 10:37 am

    Oy, something along those lines happened to me as well. I haven’t drank that much ever since it occurred. You live, you learn indeed… But I miss him terribly :o(

    • Irene permalink
      April 21, 2010 10:37 am

      That was not supposed to be a happy face, lol

  30. April 21, 2010 10:49 am

    Seems someone has some pretty deep self-esteem problems, apparent alcoholism and enough anger issues to keep a therapist busy for months. Get help, I pray you do.

    • Adrienne permalink
      April 21, 2010 12:05 pm

      Wow, from one blog post you have diagnosed her? You’re a genius!

  31. April 21, 2010 10:52 am

    It happens. The variables may be different, but it happens. To almost everyone. Ladies and the gents. At least you left instead of picking a fight at the bar. And at least you lived close enough to walk…. I’ve definitely had to pick someone up after the fact… because they were ready to walk nine miles home when they couldn’t even walk in a straight line. It happens. 🙂

  32. April 21, 2010 11:12 am

    Wow – some of these comments crack me up – and not because they’re funny but because they come from ignorant people who must feel so badly about their own lives they have to try and make you feel bad about yours. This happens people. If you don’t like it, don’t read. And just because it’s the internet doesn’t mean turn your filters off – if you don’t have anything nice to say, shut the f*ck up. One night of drinking and getting upset does not mean that you’re unstable and have anger issues or are an alcoholic. Sheesh! This is a totally normal reaction in a new relationship when you finally let your guard down and let someone in but still live in fear of rejection. Revel in the fact that he’s not going anywhere 🙂

    • April 21, 2010 11:18 am

      “if you don’t have anything nice to say, shut the f*ck up.” nice contradiction

      ” from ignorant people who must feel so badly about their own lives they have to try and make you feel bad about yours.” You make some lofty assumptions. I am actually very happy with my life, I’m just an elitist bastard who knows more than most people.

      ” This is a totally normal reaction in a new relationship when you finally let your guard down and let someone in but still live in fear of rejection” Smashing things and threating to leave is NOT normal adult behavior. It is the emotional response of children. Study psychology before you comment on anything being “normal behavior” and you might change your mind.

      But, lets see if this comment gets changed too. I posted previously and it was not only deleted, but changed to “date me”…so obviously, the author can’t handle a little criticism either

      • cyrae permalink
        April 21, 2010 11:57 am

        Whether you are right or wrong is really not the issue at this point. I don’t know if you really are a teacher, but I’m pretty sure you aren’t a psychologist, because if you were you would recognize a “teachable moment” when you saw it. And this wasn’t one.

        Clearly, coming in with heavy judgement and labeling in reaction to an entertaining (and actually fairly self-incriminating) piece of writing on the blogosphere has not made you a winner. You’re writing to a complete stranger, as well, which lends even less credibility to your pronouncements.

        I’m surprised that you’re surprised at the anger … of course, it’s an open forum and you’ve got the right (or at least the option) of responding in the way you please. But if you really need to “win”, I would suggest you find a more productive venue than a blogspot full of people you’ve never met.

        • April 21, 2010 12:53 pm

          Depends on your definition of “teachable moment”…I like to stir up the sheep a little bit.

      • April 21, 2010 12:54 pm

        For god’s sake, alcohol does not bring out “the real you.” It reduces inhibitions, hinders reflexes and sends the decision making process straight to hell. But by no means is the personality it brings out an example of what the real you is like.

        Does she need to be responsible for her actions? Sure. Was drinking that much without tossing down some food a good idea? Nope. In fact, it was a fairly textbook example of a profoundly bad idea. But to try to say that everyone who has ever made a fool of themselves or behaved badly while drunk (essentially the argument you’re making) is immature and a bad human being is one of the more asinine things I’ve heard today.

        • April 21, 2010 12:59 pm

          Philosophy as old as time: “in vino veritas”

          • April 21, 2010 1:19 pm

            Oy. Quote Pliny all you want. An impaired nervous system does not reveal one’s “true personality.”

            In turn, I’ll paraphrase Churchill, “Sir, tomorrow I’ll be sober. But you’ll still be a sanctimonious ass.”

  33. Anonymous permalink
    April 21, 2010 11:18 am

    Drunk Beeotch. I’d have let you walk home and out of my life. He was almost a lucky man. Alcohol doesn’t change who you are…it just makes you feel like it’s ok to act how you want.

  34. Anonymous permalink
    April 21, 2010 11:28 am

    drinking that much in the afternoon is always a bad idea

  35. April 21, 2010 11:31 am

    Ahahahaha! I think this is awesome…in retrospect of course. I’m sure your boyfriend knows how to tie one on as well. Just give him some PBR and let him day drink until he gets awesome too.

    http://drunkphilosophy.com

  36. April 21, 2010 11:31 am

    One of these days you will be sick and tired of being sick and tires

  37. April 21, 2010 11:48 am

    This is why I love drinking! I know it kind of sucks a little bit too, but really… it always makes for good stories! This was funny stuff to read.

    And anybody who’s not a total dick will forgive you for whatever it is you’ve done. Shit happens.

  38. Jessica permalink
    April 21, 2010 11:57 am

    Fabulous story. Perfectly executed. Isn’t it wonderful when someone loves you in spite of you. 🙂

  39. April 21, 2010 11:57 am

    Haha … I have been there. But with me, there is always a point where I trip and fall down a few steps or just over my own feet and I ahve large bruises on my leg to prove it! aaahhhh…the joys of alcohol.

    ~~NS
    http://www.norasalemwrites.wordpress.com

  40. April 21, 2010 12:05 pm

    Love the blog, nice writing. Love your readers just as much — the comments here are as entertaining as the post. It was just a funny story.. silly angry boys. Good thing you have them to put you in your place, huh! Because there’s nothing wrong about giving unsolicited advice to a stranger to get attention.. but drinking is bad. Lesson learned.

  41. Anonymous permalink
    April 21, 2010 12:14 pm

    LMAO!

  42. newcomer permalink
    April 21, 2010 12:28 pm

    I just want to thank you for nearly getting me fired for screaming with laughter at this story. LOL!!! I am by no means perfect and made my drunken mistakes but still became the wife because the hubby is not judgemental. We both learned some things about the other and kept living life. Keep smiling!!

  43. April 21, 2010 12:39 pm

    I loved this and thought it was hilarious. This was exactly what I was looking for today as I was blog-browsing. I did this shit last weekend and felt so upset/ashamed at myself. Thanks for letting me know I’m not the only one out there making these mistakes, and helping me laugh about it. And for the haters—laughing about it doesn’t mean I don’t take it seriously. But it’s better than causing more harm to yourself and others by freaking out any further about your mistake. We all need a little grace/forgiveness sometimes.

  44. April 21, 2010 12:44 pm

    Surprised my boyfriend’s still around, too. Needless to say, I’ve definitely laid off the booze and so can you. :-p To people out there saying we have anger issues—–

    I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.

  45. April 21, 2010 12:59 pm

    Think of what a travesty it would have been had you blacked out at some point around the seventh hour. Then you wouldn’t have remembered any of this. And you wouldn’t have written about it. And you wouldn’t have landed on the WordPress front page. And then you wouldn’t have attracted the attention of numerous awesome people and a hater. Lesson: Alcohol leads to both love and hate, so we take our chances. And *that* is why we drink – because we’re hopeful that the glass is half-full. Also, haters are damn funny.

  46. April 21, 2010 1:03 pm

    Tara Reid??

  47. April 21, 2010 1:04 pm

    Is “teacher” your father? At least you were honest. Jeez……..

  48. April 21, 2010 1:18 pm

    You were too drunk to make decisions about that relationship in particular. The state of mind was completely non-functional making you make bad choices. Your boyfriend should have no reason to forgive you as you were the one making the choice of getting too drunk and passing out. I wouldn’t forgive you for any of that, nobody would if they had a normal mentality.

    Just stop getting so drunk and making poor choices. Or else it will happen again, end of story.
    Remain.Simple

  49. Jim Hagen permalink
    April 21, 2010 1:31 pm

    I can’t wait till you start having kids.

  50. cyrae permalink
    April 21, 2010 1:35 pm

    I, too, should be working, teacher 174, but … here goes!

    Who wants to bet that all the commenters voting against forgiveness are “Christians”?

    Darn that Jesus, anyway, turning water into wine to keep the party going!

  51. Twistedone permalink
    April 21, 2010 1:37 pm

    LOL you just described my weekend. Hahahaha that’s too funny. Glad to see that this kind of thing does not just happen to me.

  52. April 21, 2010 2:01 pm

    Your a cunt in my opinion!

    • April 21, 2010 2:09 pm

      You’re* and you forgot a comma.

      “Sticks and stones” and all that. We all know you’re just here to try to scoop some traffic. It’s cool though. Welcome!

      Ground rules for Trolls: say what you want to me, but start in on my commenters and I change your text to make you sound silly. Got it?

      • April 21, 2010 3:47 pm

        Except if they are about commenters she doesn’t like. Then, by all means, she will leave them up for the whole world to see. I’m thinking virgin, ignorant, etc.

  53. April 21, 2010 2:07 pm

    Great blog…Thanks for sharing 🙂

  54. Songbird permalink
    April 21, 2010 2:08 pm

    lmao!!!! Such funny and clever writing… cannot imagine the hanover though… or I can but would rather not…lol….;o)….

  55. Songbird permalink
    April 21, 2010 2:09 pm

    yeah- see… don’t know how many tequila shots I have had today…. hanover is actually a town somewhere in Germany.. a hangover is what you get when you enjoy too many of what mentioned above….

    • April 21, 2010 2:17 pm

      Well, now I’m trying to imagine Hanover. I see lederhosen.

    • cyrae permalink
      April 21, 2010 2:24 pm

      Hanover is a town in New Hampshire, as well – and just to clarify, because I know you wouldn’t want to start an epidemic of confusion – it’s Hannover Germany.

      I wouldn’t have known, either, without looking it up.

  56. April 21, 2010 2:27 pm

    I’m engaged….but a week after we got engaged was New Years, and I got so effing drunk…I know he considered rescinding his offer…but I love the blog!

  57. April 21, 2010 2:58 pm

    Great article!! Very interesting!!

  58. badmammy permalink
    April 21, 2010 3:21 pm

    Glad your were on the front page for me to find. Oooouch.

  59. April 21, 2010 3:37 pm

    Wow! 93 comments and Godwin’s Law hasn’t come into play yet. Impressive, to say the least.

  60. April 21, 2010 3:40 pm

    In my situation,
    1 beer: Start loosening up and not feeling socially awkward in meeting strangers
    2 beers: Start talking more than usual—— STOP DRINKING (in most situations)
    3 beers: Feel like dancing even though I suck
    4 beers: Dance, make an ass out of myself, and lose all my dignity
    5 beers: Show people I can manage 10 push ups while my face turns red hot
    Next morning: Get up with a terrible headache and take the solemn resolution to not drink more than 2 beers.
    Of course, I am no drinker and the last time five beers happened was months ago. I think it’s important to know where you stand when it comes to drinking. I don’t care what the party people say… It’s fun to be a party pooper sometimes.

  61. April 21, 2010 4:07 pm

    Oh, this is not that bad. I dated a girl for five months, and everything was perfect, not one fight, never one argument, great chemistry, 5 months. I didn’t realize how much I had really fallen for this girl–until I became terrifyingly drunk one night when I took her to an 80’s bar, had tequila shots at home before she arrived, a couple more with her, drinks at the bar, people bought me drinks, all in all, lost her in the bar, got kicked out, all the while trying to choke the bouncer for doing so, drove around crazy around the city with her as the passenger, got home and acted like a fool with her. Needless to say, she was way scared, we broke up and only hung out once after that. I was depressed for a good 3 weeks. Alcohol…whoa I had a lot that night. One of my worst nights ever.

  62. April 21, 2010 4:23 pm

    This is hilarious! I’ve done something like this before… It’s TOTALLY your fault but then you blame it on the other. Thank goodness we have patient significant others… OHHH alcohol!

  63. Anonymous permalink
    April 21, 2010 4:44 pm

    loser lol fucking alcoholics go smoke a bowl 🙂

  64. April 21, 2010 4:52 pm

    Excellent!

  65. Linnie permalink
    April 21, 2010 5:07 pm

    Great post. Have to tell you that the “groveling to get the relationship back” is not a long term solution. You wouldn’t want a guy that would keep coming back for that anyway.

  66. April 21, 2010 5:26 pm

    Oh boy, you went wrong at 12. You can’t mix vodka (makes me suuuuper bitchy) with sangria (FUN!) and then chase it with the brown liquor. As a third layer, SoCo whisky muddles an already frothy brain. In fact, it does a good enough job of that on its own.

    Maybe you don’t trust this guy or maybe you have trust issues underneath the wet-brained confusion???

    The picture you chose is awesome–ha ha!

    Have your fun, but keep it to two spirits and in no time you can upgrade to a less tragic starlet.

  67. April 21, 2010 6:03 pm

    Drink and every booze becomes boobs.
    Is that how we approach relationship???

  68. April 21, 2010 6:21 pm

    lolima

  69. Janifer permalink
    April 21, 2010 7:37 pm

    This is an interesting story. You have done well, I behind you.

  70. superfan permalink
    April 21, 2010 7:55 pm

    I know my new drunk girl friend is drunk all the time her name. Is lorna she shits in a bucket and fucks everyone in town and smokes crack like water but the shiting in the bucket takes the cake

  71. April 21, 2010 8:04 pm

    If you have the time, read the Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. He was a Roman Emperor and a stoic philosopher. The book might seem a bit dry, but he has some excellent advice about life.

    A free version is here: http://classics.mit.edu/Antoninus/meditations.html

    The Enchiridion by Epictetus is also a good read. A free version is here:

    http://classics.mit.edu/Epictetus/epicench.html

    I don’t agree with all that the stoics claim, but they do have an interesting take on life and especially adversity.

  72. Chasha permalink
    April 21, 2010 10:22 pm

    You got to party while he had to comfort some weepy person. I don’t see the problem here. But then, maybe that’s why I’m still single…

    Love your blog, by the way!

  73. Anonymous permalink
    April 21, 2010 10:27 pm

    ZOMG. This sounds like one of my nights out. Boyfriend never fails to remind about it, luckily we’re still together but he still gives me s**t about it every now and then. Sigh. But we’re still together.

  74. Matt permalink
    April 21, 2010 10:40 pm

    Meh, no big deal. If you were having a night out with your boyfriend, then what the hell was this “high school friend” doing crying on your man’s shoulder during this bar outing anyway? Doesn’t she have a girlfriend that she can cry to? Personally, I’ve seen a lot of chicks that go crying to their male friends in order to pull them away from their girlfriends and I think it’s lame. What you did really wasn’t that bad.

  75. April 21, 2010 11:08 pm

    Please, who hasn’t had a drunken night out in their 20’s. Life is a process, learn as you go. I’m proud of your ability to learn, laugh and grow from your experiences. And most all that you’re brave enough to share them and do so with such charm and humor… as usual!!

  76. April 22, 2010 4:55 am

    Yikes that sounds like a memorable night…

  77. April 22, 2010 9:05 am

    I followed this yesterday and popped back over today to see how it shaped out. I’m new to WordPress, and it’s cool to see how other people blog. I like your writing, and think you are on to something with your direction; clearly people are interested. LOL i wonder if your next blog should be ‘how to start the hottest debate on wordpress.’ Obviously many people can relate to one side of the argument or the other. I certainly can…who hasn’t had too much to drink and done something dumb???? Keep it up, this is a fun blog.

  78. May 5, 2010 12:12 pm

    Wow. What an issue. And you all are talking and discussing about this. What a joke. Congratulations to you all. The Egos talk, the men. Think a little bit like a woman. We are not logical, contrary we are sooooo EMOTIONAL. Try to understand our way of seeing things or whatever.
    All the best, great article btw.
    Jolanda Edwards,
    http://hirpit.net

  79. May 6, 2010 7:40 am

    Funniest but saddest thing I’ve ever heard!At least your love interest was sweet enough to forgive you.

  80. May 11, 2010 10:18 am

    Hilarious. Bet Sunday was not one of your better mornings.

  81. Anonymous permalink
    May 12, 2010 12:24 pm

    you sound crazy

  82. June 20, 2010 7:26 pm

    Way to go. When I used to drink I was involved in a lot of pretty pathetic dramas.
    You’re young, later on is when the shame get unbearable.

Trackbacks

  1. How To Destroy Your Relationship In Ten Boozy Hours « Nomady By Nature
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  3. Can you relate? « Maundering Me

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