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Mmmm, Crisis-y

April 27, 2010

Admittedly, its been a big few weeks for Love Interest E and me. It started with us getting a little more real and sharing some personal info, continued with my lovely drunken rampage, and stretched to include meeting Love Interest E’s parents.

It’s all been just a bit too much for Love Interest E, who, in a bizarre turn of conversation, let loose on me yesterday a litany of grievances (both real and imagined) about the pressures of our relationship.

Seems E is feeling panicky about how serious things are getting. Although, from where I’m sitting, he’s the one driving that bus. He was the first to introduce me to friends, then family, then (gasp!) parents. He’s the one who asks for plans 3 or 4 times a week. He’s the one who often talks about the future.

Well, seems like E’s managed to scare himself shitless and suddenly he’s having cold feet.

I’ve been here before with Crazyface the Fratty CommitmentPhobe, who used to say I love you and then avoid my calls for 5 days. I understand boys sometimes move too quickly and then freak themselves out. And worse, assume that you want things from them that you’ve never asked for. But what, as the girlfriend, can you do?

He’s putting all this pressure on himself and its disheartening to see it, because I’m not sure how to convince him that he doesn’t need to live up to the Perfect Boyfriend image he’s got in his head. I just like him. I just want him.

So that’s where we’re at, homies. Wish me godspeed with this little chat tonight!

18 Comments leave one →
  1. meredith permalink
    April 27, 2010 10:31 am

    fingers crossed, yo.

  2. April 27, 2010 10:38 am

    Boys are silly. That’s all 🙂

  3. cyrae permalink
    April 27, 2010 10:45 am

    Perhaps it will be best to listen mostly, comment only a little, till he’s sure he’s been heard and you’re sure you get what’s going on for him. Avoid a “Big Wrap-up” (in either dirrection) if possible. Relationships do not need to be saved (or ended) in a single day.

    Sigh. Thousands of years on the planet together, and we still struggle!

  4. April 27, 2010 10:57 am

    What saucyredhead said. It sounds like E might be in need of a wedgie to reset his perspective. And maybe some fluffy socks for those cold feet. Nevertheless, good luck!

  5. April 27, 2010 11:33 am

    Boys are weird. I don’t get them at all. I think most of them have no idea what they REALLY want. Good luck!

  6. April 27, 2010 12:05 pm

    I agree with Cyrae- no need for absolutes at this stage in the game. Open-door policies, while they’re really hard to implement, keep you on equal-footing in such a new relationship. Just remind yourself that you’ll be ok either way.

  7. April 27, 2010 12:21 pm

    I agree that “boys” are weird and “boys” don’t know what they want… I hope you work it out, but I know I’ve been him before… cold feet and skewed perspectives. Chances are he’s dealing with a litany emotions himself.

    Took me a long time to mature into a man and know what I want.

  8. Justin permalink
    April 27, 2010 3:50 pm

    I think the key is communication. You need to talk with each other and be honest. Tell E how you feel and what you want, explain you don’t expect him to be the perfect boyfriend and that you want to move at a pace that’s comfortable for both of you.

  9. April 27, 2010 3:52 pm

    I think you might be dating me. I do this all the time. I plan the wedding on the 3rd date & then resent the man I am dating for stifling me.

    Just back off and give him some space. I mean, really give him some space. Don’t phone him for a few days. Then maybe just take it back a step. I don’t even know if a conversation is even in order… yet.

  10. April 28, 2010 8:44 am

    i am starting to think we’re spiritually connected. (don’t feel put out or anything. i’ll take the relationship slow.) same thing happened with mr hardman and me. men are freaky when they freak themselves out with that freaky thing called ‘feelings’.

  11. April 28, 2010 10:39 am

    I’m actually going to be blogging about this in the near future. It’s called “projective identification”. Many adults in our “everyone gets a trophy age” rely on basic defense mechanisms that we start with as children.

    He took you to meet his parents…”HELLO!!!!” His rushing things or pressuring relationships is a him problem, but because he can’t deal with it directly, he helps you create the set of circumstances that will allow him to project it upon you. [In essence encouraging you to demonstrate the very behavior he will condemn you for]


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