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You Reek Of Desperation, An Open Letter To Frenemy M

May 19, 2010

Dear Frenemy M:

You know what’s pathetic? Refusing to recognize that that asshole you desperately want wants nothing to do with you.

Now I’ve already written on my favorite dating mantra, He’s Just Not That Into You, but some reminders bear repeating: If he doesn’t like you, you’re not gonna convince him otherwise.

You know what your first mistake was? Sleeping with him. On a mutual friend’s living room couch. Ouch. How’s that pride doing?

Second mistake: Refusing to recognize that that girl he’s constantly with is the chick he’s now dating. Yes, you’ve been “replaced.” Except that you never dated, just gave it up and expected that that constituted an agreement to be in love.

All men will take sex. This is not an indicator of mutual attraction. He took what you offered, but he never asked for more.

Now I’m all for one night stands and hook ups and casual sex between consenting adults (Hi mom!), but this is just ludicrous. Did you really believe drunkenly sleeping with that asshole would lead to a stable and loving relationship? Has he ever even paid you a compliment?

Third mistake: Inviting yourself EVERYwhere you think he might be, then lurking, following him and placing yourself next to him in all social situations. He’s on to you! He knows what you’re doing! And its certainly not going to change his mind.

Have some self respect, my girl. If Asshole’s not into you, put your efforts else where. Cut your losses, chick, its time to move on. Find someone who wants to be around you. And spare the rest of us the uncomfortable dramatics.

Hearts and kittens,
Bea

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16 Comments leave one →
  1. May 19, 2010 7:41 am

    I’ve missed this sort of posts from you. Very funny.

  2. May 19, 2010 8:26 am

    ACK. I’m embarrassed FOR her — and all witnesses of this unfortunate preoccupation with a man who is so clearly not into her.

    Thanks for posting, too — very funny, very true, and here’s hoping she gets the message sooner rather than later.

  3. May 19, 2010 9:52 am

    She’s going to be heartbroken when she finally gets a clue. Though I too hope it’s sooner rather than later so hopefully she can learn this embarrassing lesson only once.

  4. Dana permalink
    May 19, 2010 10:14 am

    Wow…. Some chicks just don’ t have a clue. Thanks for the humorous post… between cringes for the poor girl I got some good laughs!

  5. Allie permalink
    May 19, 2010 10:53 am

    Right on girl.

  6. glynn permalink
    May 19, 2010 11:19 am

    long time reader, first time commenter. where do you find these ridiculous photos? hearts and puppies (I’m a dog person).

  7. May 19, 2010 11:26 am

    ouch, yo, but so true. will. avoid. in. future.

  8. May 19, 2010 12:26 pm

    I have friends who painfully stalk their romantic interests who clearly aren’t interested and/or already have a girlfriend. It makes me sad/frustrated/annoyed and want to give them a wake-up slap in the face sometimes, but I still love them. I do my best to be honest (blunt), but sometimes it matters not until the guy really busts them in the gut. Hope your frenemy gets a clue soon!

  9. May 19, 2010 1:59 pm

    It’s weird because I just wrote an open letter today too. Except mine wasn’t to a loser friend. But I still think our brains may be connected. Tell the frenemy to suck it. what a whore.

  10. May 19, 2010 4:32 pm

    Bea, posts like this one make me wish I was more anonymous on the internet. Brilliant!

    Excuse me while I passive aggressively share this on Facebook.

  11. May 19, 2010 4:40 pm

    You had me at “Hi, Mom!”

  12. May 19, 2010 4:44 pm

    Guy’s Perspective

    Yeah, if we start as a hookup on someones couch, you are not relationship material. Once you are disqualified from being relationship material, you are forever disqualified. We don’t turn hookups into relationships [because they begin and end as disasters].

    As to her second mistake, well, she needs a good pair of reality goggles because Denial Island is not going to produce the results it so elusively promises. Odds that she will listen: Slim. I once said to a friend of mine, “But he’s fucking her…repeatedly, nightly.” The response I got was, “It’s only temporary. She’ll break his heart” or something like that.

    Good luck with mistake three. People are sometimes addicted to drama and need to create it to function. It’s freaking amazing.

  13. May 19, 2010 10:11 pm

    Sounds a bit obsessive and desperate. Hope she hears you and moves on.Here is a quote that would be appropriate for your friend:

    Don’t let someone be a priority in your life when u are still an option in their life.~unknown

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