Skip to content

Fuck You, Justin Bieber.

May 27, 2010

Don’t look at me like that. You are the problem.

Listen, Justin, due to a rather complex familial structure, I have a half-sister who’s 11. She’s at that impressionable age when she forms her hopes and dreams about her future.

I’ve spent the last 5 years tempering her expectations, reminding her that love is a choice; marriage, a promise; men, only human.

And then, you, YOU, come along and Baby, Baby, Baby your way into her young heart. You are creating unrealistic expectations for love!

One day Little Sister texted me, “Isn’t Justin Bieber CUTE?!?!?!?!!!!” and I was like “What’s a Justin Bieber?”

So I googled you. …then felt dirty, because seriously, what are you? Twelve?

Next time time I saw her she had HUGE news: “I went to Justin Bieber concert and HE. LOOKED. RIGHT. AT. ME.” “Oh?” I asked, hoping it was a harmless one time occurrence… but that wasn’t all. “AND THEN he was on SNL and HE. LOOKED. RIGHT. AT. ME. AGAIN.”

Do you see what you’ve done? You’ve loosened her grip on reality. Little Sister has fallen victim to that age-old female hallucination: She believes her prince is out there, holding roses and bursting at the seams to love her. (She also seems to believe television cameras work both ways, but that’s an issue to be tackled at a later date.)

Between Justin Bieber and Disney Princesses, no wonder we all grow up expecting a Dreamy Prince Charming in Shining Armour to ride into our lives, sweep us off our feet, rescue us from our captors or 9-5 jobs and carry us off into the safety and endless possibilities of the sunset.

Wouldn’t it be glorious to be saved from our daily lives and delivered to somewhere magical to live happily, ever after?

But we must not rely on this hope. We are our own women, the masters of our own lives. So, ladies, let’s get to it: let’s create our own happily-ever-afters and find some human, faultridden, clueless, lovable men to bring with us. We’ll be our own Justin Biebers.

31 Comments leave one →
  1. jenontheroad permalink
    May 27, 2010 7:31 am

    “Wouldn’t it be glorious to be saved from our daily lives and delivered to somewhere magical to live happily, ever after?”

    I learned a long time ago that the whole “knight in shining armor” thing was a myth, and that I was more likely to run into a jackass in tin foil. But that’s ok — realistic expectations lead me to see & appreciate the good in people, and not focus on their flaws.

    Fantastic blog, per usual.

  2. May 27, 2010 7:36 am

    wanna be new best friends?

  3. May 27, 2010 7:44 am

    So what your saying is you’re not a *Beliber? πŸ˜‰

    (I feel gross for just saying that)

    *Term for people who believe in Justin Bieber…

  4. May 27, 2010 7:56 am

    I have boys, and at least once a week I hear the grumblings (mostly rants) about how all of the girls at school have his picture nestled in their trapper-keepers so they can see his face all day, anytime they choose…and how the girls go on and on about how cute he is. Down-trodden? No, I guess that is beneath them, but they are definitely resentful and dismissive; in other words, if they were allowed to drop F bombs, yours would be their choice of words as well. I just tell them ‘hang tough guys, women grow up and want someone rustic and manly’ (neither of which of which Justin is) ‘and he’s going to end up looking like Donnie Osmond as an adult.’ (no pun intended, i heart Donnie in a Lawrence Welk kind of way :))

  5. May 27, 2010 8:24 am

    haha. Thats hysterical. You are sooo gonna get hate-mailed.

  6. cyrae permalink
    May 27, 2010 8:58 am

    Later on in life, it can be Johnny Depp! Is that better? At least now, we don’t want him to actually show up (mostly) – we just want him to entertain us! and occasionally LOOK.RIGHT.AT.US with any color eyes he happens to be sporting at the moment.

  7. May 27, 2010 9:29 am

    I think he looks 12 too. And I really can’t stand his music. Of course I’m not 11 years old. Thank god for that. As painful as reality and heartbreaks are that end up ripping you out of that fantasy world… I am much happier to be on this side of it with more adult dreams like Sawyer walking out of the ocean with no shirt on. Sigh. Well, at least I know he’s not looking at me. That’s progress right?

  8. May 27, 2010 9:39 am

    Agreed. This armour chafes anyway.

  9. May 27, 2010 11:43 am

    I still don’t know who this is [Dad in complete denial].

  10. May 27, 2010 2:19 pm

    Bieber, Backstreet Boys, N Sync, New Kids on the Block, David Cassidy, Frankie Vallie…

    The pop music industry has been slowly churning out generations of Tiger-Beat pin ups aimed directly at our collective romantic sanity for EVER. Bastards.

    But you know what? I think Bieber is the crazy distilled version, the most potent psychotic bubblegum ever. Fuck you, Bieber.

  11. June 17, 2010 6:07 am

    Is that true?

  12. June 30, 2010 1:00 am

    i love u……………………………..justin bieber
    pleas be with me.

  13. July 3, 2010 9:06 pm

    If you hate Justin Bieber, then you just have to check this vid, because Bieber = shit. >:)

  14. seby permalink
    October 5, 2010 1:17 am

    FUCK you J.GAY stupid gay my sister love you and his 10

  15. Anonymous permalink
    November 27, 2010 11:40 am

    you shit head i fucking hate justin fucking beiber who the fuck does he think he is that bitch you cant fucking sing or do shit

  16. Patrick permalink
    December 1, 2010 2:39 pm

    im not 2 sure that beaver isnt a girl. he’s 15 and sounds like 9 year old get out of the spotlight, grow a pair (or can you) get a real job and then talk

  17. lipuuto permalink
    January 7, 2011 7:10 pm

    Hey man you know i agree i am a die hard metallica and megadeth fan and this fucko is taking away girls form metal music

  18. fuck you justin biever permalink
    February 15, 2011 12:00 pm

    how to kill to kill justin beaver . First you will need a knife or a grenade (recomended) or a silenced pistol . Second go to a concert go to the stage area through the crowd so you will be better hidden . Third leave the grenade and leave fast or throw the knife at him be sure there is no one is behind you dont want to stab somebody or just shoot . Fourth taunt . Fifth get beaten to death by hordes of angry girls especialy girl sister (this means dont do something stupid)

    • BELIEBER! permalink
      May 13, 2011 10:41 pm

      you do realize if someone would try to do this, they wouldnt be able to cuz umm metal detectors exist… just saying

  19. fuck you justin biever permalink
    February 15, 2011 12:05 pm

    hordes of angry girls and especialy your sister( do at your own risk)

  20. BELIEBER! permalink
    May 13, 2011 10:39 pm

    Lol… ALL You Guys Are Hating. Hating cuz he gets girls and u don’t. hating cuz he got talent and you don’t. Hating cuz he has the Looks and YOU DONT. and ibet you’ll delete this comment cuz u know ihts true but if it isnt NEVER delete it. u probably delete all the belieber’s comments -_______________- but i kind of understand that ur mad cuz ur sis fell in love w/ him but she’ll get over it… sooner or later.. trust!

    • Anonymous permalink
      July 8, 2013 9:13 pm

      Get fucked with a lamp post you satanic jizz stain.

  21. beiber permalink
    December 20, 2011 9:18 pm

    justin beiber is not that bad

  22. bever permalink
    December 20, 2011 9:28 pm

    come on god does not say to hate!!!!!!

  23. just permalink
    December 21, 2011 6:16 pm

    justin if i were u i would be mad at these people no ufense but i hate miley curs but selna is cute oh and cheer up chrismas is here my sis lv u and i dont like u or ur songs but merry chirs no 1 devers 2be bullied

  24. George Hong Sik chin permalink
    July 17, 2016 2:51 pm

    Justin bitches Bieber Barbie doll.i… your.fucking.eyes…then.buttfuck.uuuu.with twenty.thosandmcodmons
    20,000 rubbers muthatfucker..this is George Hong Sik Chin . ……… GHSC..Igod hell seek Chin muthatfucker ..u r gayer then my dig peeing like a bitch peace fagggot doucejoebag slut cum……+–+)-(😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠

    • Anonymous permalink
      July 17, 2016 2:53 pm

      Call me 301-674-9118😠😠😠@n$ytime fucking time for uuuuuuu bitchhhh….😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠


  1. Ol’ Blue Eyes gives me hope « The fantastical ramblings of a chronic over-thinker

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s