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If You’re Not Looking for Love Online, You’re Not Looking for Love

June 9, 2010

Friend L is totally killing me with her stubborn, I-refuse-to-find-a-boy-online-ed-ness. This is just out-dated. You should be using every tool in your mate-finding tool box to find the man of your dreams.

Perhaps there are others of you out there that still agree with Friend L, that online dating is scary, or creepy or for losers. Now you’ve offended me so let me tell you what: I’ve been e-dating since I was 22; 12 out of the 14 guys I’ve dated since college I met online; some of them have been amazing, hot, smart, funny guys.

Of course, you might like to point out (you bitch) that I’m single again. Well yes, but so are you.

Dating is a numbers game: the more men you see per day, the more likely you are to find someone you like. The more men that see you per day, the more likely one is to fall head over heels for you. These days we women are busy with jobs and friends and yoga and someone has to walk the damned dog. And you haven’t met men in any of the places that take up your daily routine, so why not branch out.

Think of all the work an online profile can do for you while you’re at work or cleaning the bathtub or sleeping or even, gasp, out with another guy. An online profile makes you approachable twenty-four/seven. And all you have to do is write it. Or send me your interests and I’ll write it because, Good God, not having an online profile is just a waste of available web space.

So, Friend L and all you other non-internet-daters, please, put aside your preconceived notions and just go check out the site of your choosing. Want a great search tool? Try Match. Don’t want to be cruised by randoms? eHarmony. Don’t want to pay? OKCupid. Don’t want an overly complex experience? Plenty of Fish.

There are men out there. They are looking for you. Make yourself easier to find!

23 Comments leave one →
  1. cyrae permalink
    June 9, 2010 7:28 am

    And don’t forget the fun of it all! Takes a while to get the hang of interpreting, weeding out, etc., but then, if you follow some basic safety rules about meeting strangers (in public places and let a friend know!), it’s no more risky than sitting next to a stranger who makes eye contact on the el! Or maybe less risky – who makes eye contact on the el, anyway?

  2. jenontheroad permalink
    June 9, 2010 7:32 am

    Bea, I could not agree with you more. I met two wonderful men online (in ’08 and ’09, both on OKCupid). I think that the stigma that was once attached to online dating is a thing of the past. We do everything else online; why not utilize it as a tool to help us find love?

  3. June 9, 2010 8:33 am

    I used to be against meeting people on line… but you make some rather good points in this posting

    • June 9, 2010 8:37 am

      you, sir, with your way with words and your strong grasp on what you want, would make a killing online. you can test the waters with a free one like OKCupid. I love it so far.

      • June 9, 2010 10:06 am

        Now you’ve really got me thinking i should give it a shot

        • June 11, 2010 1:17 pm

          Think of it this way, sir. Technically, you met a whole bunch of fine Chicagoans online. Remember? Chicken and Champagne? Well, yes, technically we met in person but b/c of an online presence and platform. What’s the diff? Do it. DO IT GOOD!

  4. June 9, 2010 9:37 am

    So very true! A lot of my friends still don’t understand online dating…but only because they are in long-term relationships with people they met in college or through friends! I’ve been online dating for over a year now, since January 2009 at age 23, now I’m 24. I love it! Met two guys last year that I dated for a few months each, one from POF and one from Match. After a brief hiatus due to a broken heart, I’m back and onto OKCupid. It’s fun, not creepy/scary and exactly like you said – a great additional way to meet guys! 🙂

  5. Amy permalink
    June 9, 2010 9:38 am

    I’m constantly promoting plenty of fish to my single friends (and friends or friends and random single strangers)! It takes so much of the stress, uncertainty and scariness out of meeting people randomly. POF profiles answer all the important questions for you (the ones you wouldn’t ask on the first date), and give you a pretty good picture of what the person’s like.
    I met the man of my dreams (seriously, he’s out there!) online and our relationship is amazing. Don’t settle! And don’t leave your love life up to chance! Take your life into your own hands and get out there.
    One word of advice (for ladies) message guys you’re interested in, I know this breaks the “rules” of him making the first move but there are a lot of guys who troll around and message hundreds of girls a day, you don’t want those guys. Set your messages so that guys have to write a minimum amount, you don’t need 20 “Hey, how’s it going?” messages in your in box every day. Lastly, post pictures that match with the kind of relationship you want, looking for long-term? That self-portrait in your underwear might not be the best thing to put out there. Be the girl that guys want to take home to mom. Although, if you’re looking for a fling, by all means whore it up!

  6. June 9, 2010 9:47 am

    I am so with you on this. Get online! Sure online dating is scary. But it also can work. Especially when you’re working full-time and are not into the bar scene at all. There are a lots of handsome, intelligent, funny men online. I married one of them.

  7. June 9, 2010 10:19 am

    I used to be one of those people that sneered at the idea of online dating. but honestly? I know SO many people that have used it and found that man/woman of their dreams. Like, we’re talking solid, happy and healthy relationships here. It doesn’t always work right away (I’ve heard some weird stories of sifting through the crazies) but dating is like that regardles, with or without the internet component.

  8. June 9, 2010 1:44 pm

    And if none of those work, there’s always Craig’s List

  9. June 9, 2010 4:08 pm

    You can’t meet people like you used to when a majority of the time we are out and about our heads are turned downward at our mobile phones and we have our earbuds in.

    Amazing points B!

  10. June 9, 2010 5:01 pm

    In a world of iPhones, iPads, netbooks, and social networking sites, it’s stupid not to date online.

  11. Kat permalink
    June 9, 2010 5:24 pm

    Ten years ago, when meeting people online was still creepy, I humorously e-mailed a guy whom I came across on a website about breakfast cereal. I was seventeen at the time (He, 19). He wrote back, and before I knew what had hit me, I was convinced I had met the man I was going to marry. Did I mention I was 17, lived 500 miles away and had never met him face to face? Yeah. We liked each other, but knew it probably wouldn’t work out so we kept our relationship platonic. We met and dated other people- in my case, became engaged to another person- but I always had that feeling that this dude was something special, and I could never, ever let that go no matter how hard I tried (and I tried hard). Over three years we stayed in touch, e-mailing, IMing, talking on the phone until sunrise, mailing each other weird things and pictures, and finally, one day we were both single again. We finally met in person, and within six months we were married. He’s still the most amazing friend I could ever ask for and I couldn’t be happier. We celebrated our 6 year wedding anniversary last January.

  12. June 10, 2010 7:20 am

    i met my best friend AND the 2-year relationship i just ended on okc. when i’m ready to join the dating game again, i’ll head right back. it’s just too easy not to do.

  13. June 10, 2010 4:54 pm

    Yes, its very easy. I am on three sites, but it is so freaking tedious. On the other hand, how else do you meet people? I dont go to the bar. All my friends friends are married or not dateable. So while I hate this online dating crap, I am doing it. I think it is also hard doing the online dating with being over weight because it is so visual. You dont get to know ME, people just look at the pictures and move on.

    Great post!

  14. June 11, 2010 9:44 am

    Being a teacher and having most of my friends married with kids, online dating makes the most sense. I’m not going to go out to random places by myself just to *hope* I meet someone cool to date. Online dating opens up the potential mate pool substantially for me. I’ve met five wonderful guys I’ve had varying degree of relationships with in the last 3-4 years, one I could have easily married. I agree, it’s just another tool in the dating arsenal that shouldn’t be overlooked.

  15. June 11, 2010 12:07 pm

    I used to think this way until I actually tried online dating. Once I tried it, I found that I did not like it at all. It seems that women tend to see online dating as one of many, many ways of meeting a guy whereas men who date online see it as their ONLY way. I’d prefer to meet someone in person instead of picking them out first online. Nothing beats that instant, face-to-face connection!

  16. June 11, 2010 1:23 pm

    I met my dude 6 years ago online.

    I’m shocked that the stigma is still noteworthy, but that’s because I choose to not recognize the stigma. Ignore it and it goes away, just the way I deal with all my problems. Hee! That said, I have two friends who met on Match, got married, and have a kiddo now. To this day, the Korean wife can’t tell her traditional parents how they met. We’re all sworn to secrecy.

    How tragic is that? Tell your friend L she’s worse than an old Korean.

  17. June 18, 2010 4:26 pm

    couldnt agrre more!

  18. July 9, 2010 10:17 am

    I really enjoyed reading your blog post here. It was very informative and I also digg the way you write! Keep it up and I’ll be back to read more in the future.

    thank you
    online degree articles, tips & tutorial

  19. September 17, 2010 7:57 am

    hi teboho i realy need ineed aboyfreind 4rom thandimpinga i m21 years old

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