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Self-Pity Sneak Attack!

June 14, 2010

I knew it was a bad idea at the time.

I emailed Love Interest E asking for visitation rights to our lesbian karaoke bar while my parents were in town. In my defense, the joint is right below his apartment, so showing up there unannounced wouldn’t have been kosher.

But his one line response wishing us a good time has unlocked a rumbling sea of emotion that I thought I was well past.

Aren’t break-ups funny? One day you’re totally over it and the next you’re a sniveling pile of crazy curled up on the couch.

When the end of the E era came, I was so busy at work that I simply didn’t have time to care. I bottled that emotion and just survived, living moment to moment to get through two 90 hour work weeks. I toyed with some internet dating and let Coworker J advertise me on Craigslist. In my head I was “keeping busy” but in reality I was only avoiding the mourning process. Now, nearly a month later, I must come to terms with my single status and the end of a relationship that I held a lot of hope for.

Perhaps it was the email, perhaps the sudden decrease in activity at work, perhaps even my chemistry-less date Friday night, but something seems to have transported me back a few weeks in my relationship recovery progress. I feel like I’ve been ambushed by my own emotions.

Normally, I don’t put any stock in relationships that last less than 6 months. But there was something about my connection with E, something about our first two months together that made me hopeful in a way I hadn’t been since my last serious relationship. I allowed myself to fall in love too soon. And, to my horror, he couldn’t love me back.

So now I must mourn the loss of something I didn’t quite have… in hopes that I will find it elsewhere in the future.

10 Comments leave one →
  1. June 14, 2010 5:43 am

    Sorry it’s hit you so hard all of a sudden. Hope you’re feeling better soon. Xo.

  2. June 14, 2010 7:30 am

    The emotions sneak attack is the worst. Gets me everytime. Sorry 😦

  3. jenontheroad permalink
    June 14, 2010 7:47 am

    I’ve been there too. So sorry, dear. But the good news is that after you’ve given yourself this time to mourn and really get over it, those sneak attacks will cease.

  4. June 14, 2010 8:32 am

    I hate it when you feel like you’ve just lost two notches in the grieving cycle and get knocked back on your ass. And I really hate one-liner email responses from people. Keep your head up girl….

  5. June 14, 2010 10:42 am

    Hope is a bastard. It lurks in the dark like a coffee table waiting to eat your shin.

  6. June 14, 2010 1:45 pm

    if you haven’t already, check out some Rumi quotes 🙂

  7. June 14, 2010 3:43 pm

    Just remember, it will pass. But, it’s good that you are going through the process. Most people deny that they need to mourn, especially if they are the dumper. But, the dumper must mourn too.

  8. June 14, 2010 11:53 pm

    I’ve also been through this. It blows. And sometimes, the emotions hit me out of no where. I dated someone I met online for 2 months and fell in love too soon… He did, too, and then got scared and ran. The hardest part is that I received zero closure – he disappeared, never responded to any of my texts/calls from one day to the next. SIGH!

    Don’t worry – we’ll find better ones. They’re out there, I know it!! 🙂

  9. June 15, 2010 6:06 am

    Needless to say I’ve been through this and know exactly what your talking about. Only cure I’ve discovered so far is time and ceasing communication with the other person.

    I know the bar below E’s is a fun place but you also may want to avoid the venue until enough time has passed. Whether or not you see or talk to E, the place will stir memories and it’s like picking at a scab that you want to heal quickly.

    I keep saying this but you got this B! If you need anything you know how to get a hold of me

  10. June 17, 2010 2:03 am

    But your cat is all, “I had the time of my life, and I owe it all to Love Interest E.”

    (I’m assuming your cat loves “Dirty Dancing.” Most do. )

    E couldn’t love you back. That’s the key. But you are lovable. I know this. Your cat knows this. And one day Love Interest TBD will know this, too.

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