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Friend J Gives Facebook A Piece Of Her Mind

June 17, 2010

(Today’s post is from Friend J, whose heart was recently trampled by Facebook, with an assist by yours truly. Way to go, me.)

Dear Facebook:

Yet again, you’ve somehow managed to stampede your way into my life.

Ever since you “friended” your way into the world about 6 years ago, I have wanted nothing to do with you. I’ve never had my own page or have even been tempted to create one. I don’t understand or want to understand what giving a gift, detagging a photo, or posting on someone’s wall means. Frankly, I think you’re creepy. I don’t care what that kid I sat next to in Social Studies in 5th grade is doing. If I wanted to be “friends” with this person, then I would have maintained contact through the regular channels that allow some element of mystery. And I don’t want that person to know the minutia of my life either. Despite my trying to avoid you for all these years, you keep finding a way into my business. And that’s just plain old rude.

Within the past 3 weeks alone, you’ve managed to let me know that a boy I was casually seeing was talking shit about me, using you as a medium, and that a still-loved ex is seeing someone else. I would not know these things or be told about them without your existence. But this isn’t just about me.

Countless people have lost their jobs, scholarships, respect of their family, friends, and coworkers, and had their hearts broken because of you. You can defend yourself by saying, “it’s not my fault, those people did that to themselves,” but cut the shit. Even I’ve heard about your royally screwing up your “privacy settings” and releasing people’s personal information. Speaking of privacy, you have changed the overall definition – people don’t even know what their “friends” are saying and doing to them in the vast expanse of the Internet anymore, and obviously you can’t be trusted. In addition, you have changed dating forever and created an army of masochists. People should not be able to look into the lives of their exes and prospective mates. You’re a life ruiner.

Everything was going great until you came along. I’m sure you have your merits, but anything good is far outweighed by the tragedies you’ve facilitated. If I could, I would take my hot tub time machine back to Harvard circa 2003 and make sure you were never born. A little harsh, you say? Well, you’ve informed me of something against my will for the last time.

Fuck you,

12 Comments leave one →
  1. June 17, 2010 1:50 pm

    I barely use facebook… I prefer his less intrusive distance cousin Twitter!

  2. June 17, 2010 2:54 pm

    I too have been the victim of facebook and share your pain. Imagine cruising the world wide web only to learn that the man you broke up with a mere 6 months earlier is engaged… shocking really and utterly destroying. Keep your chin up though J, better things await 🙂

  3. Adrienne permalink
    June 17, 2010 7:41 pm

    AMEN, J.

  4. June 18, 2010 9:49 am

    The hurt is so raw here. Tragic that even when not a FB’er, one can be stabbed by its sword of information. Facebook does suck. You did your part by not participating.


    If FB didn’t exist, The shit-talking guy you were (were, right?) dating would have put it all out there somewhere else. Your ex’s activities wouldn’t cease to be. Facebook’s existence didn’t hurt you. Your friends did by telling you. I say, fuck all those friends who hurt you by telling you things you didn’t need to hear.

  5. June 18, 2010 10:28 am

    You just said EXACTLY WHY I DO NOT DO FACEBOOK! People look at me like I am Amish, but I don’t care. My life is actually so much happier without it. Good for you for finally saying what we all are thinking. And yes, I do Twitter. Which I control who I follow and my Tweets aren’t public. I like it better to see what’s going on with who I CHOOSE. Great job! Thanks for making my day!

  6. June 18, 2010 11:06 am

    Yes, you’ve summed it up. My reasons for never getting a facebook account are many, which mostly involve traumas of a divorce with kids involved and an ex husband that was ruthless, etc…I will spare you those details…but I agree. I’d rather come off as stuck in the dark ages, than have my personal life on display that way. I understand that it is a tool that if used responsibly can be kept under control…but you’d have to convince everyone you know directly or indirectly or distantly or whatever other category ‘friends’ fall into, that they have to be responsible too…and to that i say ‘good luck.’ Well said, J.

  7. cyrae permalink
    June 18, 2010 2:58 pm

    Wow – up till now, my only negative feelings about FB were about those “friends” who post their every mundane move. But I’m from the “older” generation – perhaps most of our dramas are behind us, leaving us with only Farmville, family photos and diary-like accountings of our daily lives to post.

    As with anything, TMI is TMI. But I agree about the “privacy” issues – the work involved in figuring out the settings, etc., are way beyond my interest, so I just limit what I post.

  8. June 18, 2010 3:59 pm

    I hate FB.

    But I’m a hypocrite & still use it. Though I refuse to be friends with any/all ex’s or guys I might be dating.

    Sigh… 😦

  9. June 21, 2010 10:56 am

    Wait, I’m confused.

    Don’t get me wrong, I definitely think facebook is essentially the devil and all. Y’know, what with the fucked up privacy business and all that jazz. Seriously, wtf?

    But I don’t know, if a guy I was seeing was talking shit about me, I’d want to know. And regardless of how you find out, it still sucks, does it not?

    Didn’t Facebook save friend J from even more heartache that would have been associated with getting even closer to this guy only to find out that he was a douchewagon later on? Or am I giving the might FB too much credit?


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