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Now I Just Need A Sweet Trenchcoat

June 24, 2010

If there’s one role I like more than “Hot Date” its “Super Sleuth.” Tomorrow I get to be both.

I met a guy last Saturday while I was desperately escaping the drunken advances of a friend. He quickly worked his way into my heart by buying me a drink and then attempting to pay off the DJ so I could karaoke. At a non-karaoke bar. That’s how I roll.

Anyway, realizing that in the process of escaping my drunken friend I’d actually escaped all my friends and judging him to be fairly benign and well behaved, I agreed to sleep at his house. I’ve been known to do this. Stop looking at me like that, Mom.

I slept with all my clothes on curled up in a protective ball and he was a super gentleman and drove me home in the morning. And then called later and asked me to dinner. Pretty classy, right?

I thought so, too. Until I was telling Trainer about him and the conversation went something like this:

Me: His name is S and he does commercial real estate for Yummy Sandwiches Inc.*

Trainer: That’s funny, I know an S who’s in commercial real estate for Yummy Sandwiches Inc.

Me: … maybe its the same person? There can’t be that many S’s that work for Yummy Sandwiches Inc. He’s blond, tallish?

Trainer: Sounds like him. I hope its not the same guy though. S is engaged to a girl who lives out of town.

Me: Well, shit.

Further research and discussion still left us puzzled. Quite a lot of coincidences, a few differences, and no real proof.

So tomorrow night I’ll spend my night figuring out whether I’m on a date or a goodwill mission to expose S as a cheating bastard. I wonder if this is something I could turn into a marketable skill: Bea, female Dick Tracy and serial dater for hire.

(*Not the real sandwich company name, but I’m gonna go ahead and copyright that because it sure does sound like a company that would make yummy sandwiches.)
UPDATE: It wasn’t him. I was really looking forward to really handing it to that cheating bastard.

14 Comments leave one →
  1. June 24, 2010 8:28 am

    I love a good mystery. Also, props to him (IF he’s not a cheating bastard) for being a gentleman on Saturday night.

  2. June 24, 2010 8:31 am

    This is hilarious. (well of course horrible that the guy might turn out to be a cheater)

  3. June 24, 2010 8:58 am

    I have a theory about a certain breed of men… (could be the large majority actually)

    A) They’re in love with the chase
    B) They literately play when the cats away

    I have a couple guy friends who are for the most part upstanding boyfriends/husbands when they’re GFs/wives are present…

    Once they step away from the watchful eye of “Sauron”, they start hitting on everything that moves. It’s terrible but I’ve seen a a friend decline to go home with his wife at 1:00am, and then watch his face light up like a child on Christmas when she left the premises.

    If you find out he’s a cheater… set phasers to kill, no more of this stun business!!

    • June 24, 2010 9:31 am

      Ickkkkkk. 😦 I forget people like that exist.

    • June 25, 2010 10:27 am

      Sauron – ha! TurnJacson, you slay me.

      I know women who behave this way as well. Whoever buys ’em the most drinks gets some ass. People suck.

  4. Courtney permalink
    June 24, 2010 10:41 am

    This sounds like an episode of Dateline waiting to happen! I predict that ‘Yummy Sandwiches, Inc.’ may need ‘investors’. And I bet they’ll only take cash in 50’s and 100’s left in an unmarked package behind a dumpster. Tell him to try Groupon first…

  5. June 24, 2010 11:36 am

    I cannot wait to hear what happens. Why are people so tricky these days?

  6. June 24, 2010 11:38 am

    I’m hoping he isn’t engaged, but if he is, I hope you find a way to out him in a very embarrassing way. Some people are just scumbags.

  7. cyrae permalink
    June 24, 2010 11:39 am

    Do you need a trusty sidekick? I’ve got this friend, Sasquatch, currently between gigs …

  8. June 24, 2010 11:44 am

    Don’t get involved. If it turns out he’s engaged, give him a piece of your mind and let it go.

    Passing the information along to his fiance, even through channels, could rain down a holy appocalypse of drama that you don’t want in your life. Trust me.

    When cornered, he will put it all on you. You will become the psycho girl who is out to get revenge because he wouldn’t sleep with you. He may even give you her phone number so she can call and scream at you.

    Remember, she’s engaged and there is all sorts of planning and expectations involved. Many women will cling to denial as long as they can while an engagement is in place.

    Your goodwill mission has a good chance of turning into an #epicfail.

    Just choose wisely.

  9. June 24, 2010 12:18 pm

    Interesting. Ugh.

    If it’s true, I hope that you embarass the hell out of him! If not, I hope it’s a fun date 🙂

  10. June 25, 2010 9:57 am

    Sometimes the fact that the world is a small place can be annoying (like when you’re trying to pick up some variety of embarrassing product at the store and run into a coworker). Other times, it’s an advantage. Could you imagine if you hadn’t gotten the heads up about who this guy might actually be? This way you know to get full disclosure on the facts before falling head over heels. For your sake though, I hope that he’s not the same guy who is engaged and you do fall head over heels!

  11. Zoë Blue permalink
    June 25, 2010 5:38 pm

    Sounds mighty suspicious. Also: mighty fun. I’d be up for the challenge, and I’m sure you will too. 🙂


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