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Under the Knife

June 30, 2010

When I was a kid I used to sit in my living room and put my hands over the sides of my thighs and think, What if they just stopped here?

I’d fantasize about chopping off the fat parts and sewing the skin together, or opening my thighs up and removing the fat. When I heard about bone stretching procedures for little people, I’d wonder how many inches they’d have to stretch my femurs to make my legs look more like everyone else’s.

I played sports all my life and studied ballet for 15 years. I was fit, but never thin. Or, more accurately, my thighs have never been thin. I’ve always been, shall we say, bottom heavy.

That’s right y’all: my top half and my bottom half look like they belong on two different people. In my head, when I picture myself, I see my top half and a matching bottom. Shapely, womanly, but still fit. Then I see pictures.

What I see is completely different from what others see.

I’ve been toying with the idea of lipo, one way or another, my entire life. From those living room couch fantasies as a kid to more solid and medical measures as an adult.

Lipo gets a bad rap from all those Barbie Wannabes, sucking the millimeter they can pinch out from between their shoulder blades. And I assure you, my dear readers, that will never be my goal. I like my curves just where they are… they just need a little less oomph.

So I’ve made my first consult appointment. A terrifying decision to make, really. And one I never thought I would.

And because I have no filter when it comes to sharing with you, and apparently no shame, I’ll share the process and the ups and downs. But I’ll spare you the pictures. You’re welcome.

18 Comments leave one →
  1. June 30, 2010 8:39 am

    I did the same thing with my thighs. But have never had the guts to seriously consider surgery. Good for you for not only having the guts but owning that decision.

  2. Amy permalink
    June 30, 2010 8:42 am

    I feel the exact same way about my thighs! Especially the jiggly part on the inside, and the fat on the sides, and the cellulite on the back, and that bit above my knees. It’s pretty much all bad.
    Suffice to say, I NEVER wear shorts or skirts cut above the knee (I haven’t since I was 12).
    Thanks for putting it out there! Do what you need to to feel good about your body.

  3. June 30, 2010 9:19 am

    Good for you. I’m very petite and short, and used to wish I weighed more and was taller so I wouldn’t look like a 12-year-old. Now I just own it! I have a friend who got lipo on her thighs and she said it was the best decision she ever made. 🙂

  4. June 30, 2010 9:32 am

    I’m so torn about this Bea. You’re obviously not someone who’s lazy and would have the surgery just because you don’t feel like putting the work in. You’ve clearly worked at it. I feel the same way though. I have long legs but they’re pasty and jiggly so I don’t wear shorts AT ALL (I own one pair of shorts that only FF will ever see me in). I’ve never considered surgery but I think everyone has to do what makes them happy. Good luck!

  5. June 30, 2010 9:43 am

    Looking forward to hearing about the ifs/whens/hows…

  6. June 30, 2010 10:05 am

    Just so we’re clear, I do feel totally dickish that though I’ve been a reader for a while, this is my first comment. I’m fat, I love myself and I understand that we’re all coming from a biased place and its your body….but this post just really breaks my heart. Surgery’s not going to fix whatever body dismorphia you clearly understand you have. You understand that you see your body differently than everyone else, admitting your reality is not what everyone else is experiencing. Changing it unnaturally is just not addressing the issues at hand and until you fix the inside, the outside will never match. You say you like your curves as a way to calm whatever issues the rest of us will have with you altering yourself, but then you say you just want them to be different. You like yourself, just not the way you are. My mother had severe body issues and when she got surgery to fix the problems she thought she had, they just amplified her insecurities. I can tell from your posts that you’re a good person and I hope you understand that my comment comes from a place of concern and not bitchiness. What society’s done to make us so unhappy with our bodies is just heartbreaking and I truly hope you find everything you’re looking for

    • June 30, 2010 10:42 am

      oh honey, i think you misread – in my head i see a well proportioned, lovely chick. i think i’m fantastic, smart, beautiful, and amazing. it borders on narcissism really. the outside is what doesn’t match. and that’s what it’s time to change.

      i really appreciate your concern and your heartfelt response! i’m at piece with my decision but realize it wouldn’t be everyone’s choice. I hope you’ll still read!

  7. June 30, 2010 1:02 pm

    good for you! i’m considering getting a nose job and… i don’t HATE my nose… it just points in a different direction that where im looking (people say they dont see it but I DEF DO… result of a story that would fit in perfectly with your blog..)! It’s not about totally turning into a different person – its just something you’re doing for yourself. i say go for it! can’t wait to hear more!

  8. June 30, 2010 3:33 pm

    There will be less of you to love. Not that I’ll love you any less, though.

  9. Courtney permalink
    June 30, 2010 9:13 pm

    I like it’s great you’re looking into the options, no matter what you decide to do. Reminds me of the last few years when I was unhappy when I saw too many pictures of myself showing that my jaw was creeping back into an underbite. So I finally made a consultation appointment and wound up getting braces (again) on my teeth. Most people didn’t notice the imperfections in my mouth (except my mom), but I did and I feel a ton better I did something about it. It has been worth the money, time and pain. Once you have the information, you’ll decide what the right decision is for you! I’ll be interested to hear what you learn about the process.

    p.s. I also fantasized about getting the femur-extending poles put into my legs to make me taller. I was always the smallest in my class and would hang from the monkey bars in the hope of stretching myself (just like Bobby Brady did in an episode of the Brady Bunch…)

  10. July 1, 2010 9:44 am

    I wish more men thought the way I do: “I played sports all my life and studied ballet for 15 years. I was fit, but never thin. Or, more accurately, my thighs have never been thin. I’ve always been, shall we say, bottom heavy.”

    I have a weakness for athletic legs. This does not mean they have to be thin. On the contrary, stocky legs that are athletic I find equally appealing. I am sure that there are plenty of people out there who think you are amazingly beautiful. You should see the same in yourselves.

    If there were more men who saw this kind of beauty the way I do, maybe society would embrace athletes and activity of all shapes. Maybe fewer women would feel self conscious and, just maybe, the would would be a better place.

    Too bad most other people suck.

    I’m glad you don’t. [Well, unless large amounts of alcohol is involved. The jury is still out on that one] 😉

    • July 1, 2010 10:03 am

      “The world would be a better place.”

      Sometimes I think my keyboard/computer is seriously flawed. Then I realize it’s my brain that sucks. FACEPALM!

  11. kajomo permalink
    July 1, 2010 10:29 am

    I was sitting here reading your post and nodding my head in agreement so violently that I gave myself a headache. I am EXACTLY the same way! I like my body. I have a fairly thin frame, small chest, but these legs….like you said, they belong on someone else.

    Interested to hear how your consult goes….Ahhh…to buy pants without having to take the waist up 3 inches, that sounds like a little piece of heaven to me.

    PS: love your blog…just recently stumbled on it!

  12. July 3, 2010 1:54 am

    Cudos for having the guts to actually make that desicion. I often think of how minor cosmetic surgery might help -but at the end of the day I’d never be brave enough to go under the knife willingly.

    Best of luck (and keep us posted)!!!

  13. July 3, 2010 3:34 am

    I often contemplate giving my boss a headectomy.

  14. July 13, 2010 11:37 am

    I feel the same way! My top half and bottom half look like they should be two completely different people. My arms and legs are very skinny. It’s like I have chicken legs. My problem area has always been my stomach and keeping the love handles in check. It doesn’t help that my mom always goes, “you’re such a pretty girl, you just need to get rid of your hips. the rest of you is perfect!” It makes me want to scream! Have a great Tuesday! 🙂

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