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You’re Doing It Wrong

July 6, 2010

OK, let’s get one thing straight: just because the Internet puts hundreds, maybe thousands, of singles at your fingertips does not mean it’s your dating easy button. You do actually need to put effort into your profile, your emails and how you relate to the people you communicate with, even at this early stage.

Take Crazy in Wisconsin, for example. Now Crazy seems to think that all he needs to do is sign up on OKCupid and then he is owed unconditional love and appreciation from the throngs of lovely ladies looking for love.

Crazy’s first email to me should have set off my Don’t-Even-Reply alarm. There were too many ellipses and LOLs to be taken seriously. No man should ever type “LOL,” especially in an introduction email. On top of that, his profile was not completed – he’d written almost nothing about himself. But his pic was cute and he referenced specific statements in my profile, so I overrode my better instincts.

I sent him a playful response, adding “They teach you in online dating school never to reply to an empty profile. It’s the virtual equivalent of taking candy from a windowless van. Tell me about yourself.”

His response: “WOW. You took that WAY too seriously. Sorry if I’m too busy to fill out my whole profile. I guess I have a life. And online dating school? What?! You should really loosen up.”

Yikes. Let’s count the fails: 1. failure to grasp wit  2. defensive response  3. no actual information about himself  4. insult  5. inappropriate use of all-caps.

Should have followed my gut on that one, but its never too late. So I X-ed out that message and went about my merry way.

Until I received this from Crazy: “oh… and i had my daughter to tend too. and i dnt let anything interrupt daddy/daughter time. so thats even less time i had to do my profile. im sorry im so busy this week that i didnt have time to fill out my pro wen i signed up just a few days ago”

Punctuation and grammar disintegrating, as his insecurity kicks into hyperdrive. I figured I’d just let that sit for a few and see how far he’d push it.

A true testament to his delusions about interpersonal communication, his next email: “so, how r u?”

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23 Comments leave one →
  1. July 6, 2010 9:03 am

    Ummm… Took me a whole 30 minutes. And I had no (expletive) clue what to write in the boxes to begin with that I wanted to project. So I went from no ideas to a complete and what I would call an interesting/attractive profile in 30 minutes. If homeboy isn’t gonna spend the time to put effort, then A. He’s not worth it and B. He’s wasting his own time.

    He also sounds like the kind of creep that ruins it for the rest of us. If for some reason you talk to Crazy Wisconsin again then I would suggest pointing out that we’re laughing at his (lack of) effort.

    • July 6, 2010 9:10 am

      oh trust me, the ladies out there? we appreciate you for taking the time and taking it seriously. it makes us more confident that you’ll be willing to put in the effort that an actual relationship, if it comes to that later.

      but yes, Crazy’s a total creep and his type definitely sours the online experience.

  2. July 6, 2010 9:19 am

    This is funny.. but so true. Probably why I canceled my profiles on all the dating sites I was on.

  3. cyrae permalink
    July 6, 2010 9:59 am

    Reminds me of several guys from match.com years ago who, in the middle of answering the various “questions about yourself”, ran out of steam and whined (in print) – “What is this, high school?” Apparently a reference to the LAST time they tried to do something serious…

  4. July 6, 2010 10:00 am

    HA! I can’t believe he then asked, “how r u?” Doesn’t he need to be hanging out with his daughter? So strange. My dad found my stepmom on one of the dating sites and I wish I could see his profile or how he acted.

    I wonder if Crazy knows about your blog?

  5. July 6, 2010 10:19 am

    Oh lord. I don’t even know where to begin with that.

  6. July 6, 2010 12:23 pm

    I can’t stand those ones! Sorry, if they haven’t put some effort into their profile and send a lackluster message…they get nada from me. Ugh!

  7. July 6, 2010 12:36 pm

    Long time reader, first time commentor. Bea, if there was actually online dating school, you would totes be the principal.

  8. July 6, 2010 3:23 pm

    why is he even on a dating site if he has no time (read: is too lazy) to even tell anything about himself? I wonder this about so many men on these dating sites. I’ve started being sarcastic about their “effort” as well, when they just write “hi” and have an empty profile.

  9. July 6, 2010 4:10 pm

    It should have read: “Yeah. I missed the OkC orientation meeting and they ran out pamphlets when I got there. How about I make it up to you with a more personalized introduction and you can tell me what qualities I should highlight. 🙂

    I’m a single dad….etc, etc…

    Looking forward to hearing how I can prevent future OkC fail, maybe Over a cup of coffee?

    #badteacher”

    • cyrae permalink
      July 6, 2010 6:45 pm

      Ah yes – The Art of the Good Save. So essential to the War Between the Sexes.

  10. July 6, 2010 6:16 pm

    That guy? That’s the kind of guy who turns at the very least emotionally abusive.

  11. July 6, 2010 6:32 pm

    That guy? That’s the kind of guy who turns out to be at the very least emotionally abusive.

  12. July 6, 2010 8:00 pm

    HAHA! This is such great timing – I thought I would try this online dating thing out – I’m less than 24 hours in and pretty sure I’ll be canceling it totally. I’ve gotten a bunch of WAY too young guys (20-23) and WAY too old (38-55).

  13. July 6, 2010 9:52 pm

    Next communication predictions? I say there will be two:
    1) “Ummm, I asked how you were and no response. I’ll bet you’re pretending to be too busy – giving me a taste of my own medicine. I like you.”

    and 2 days later:

    2) You f*ing *&^*#

  14. July 7, 2010 12:07 pm

    Geeze, how old is this guy? 15? Yikes, that’s brutal

  15. July 9, 2010 4:19 am

    fanTAStic what a laugh! i’ve started the interwebs dating thing to squirrel out what its about, so far, no crazies… ooo ‘cept this one guy…

  16. July 9, 2010 10:06 pm

    Umm, but seriously, how r u? Crazy and I *really* want to know.

    • July 10, 2010 6:38 pm

      oh you know, ok. i’m in “hotlanta” working for too many hours a day for too many days in a row. but other than that, not bad. Hoping to get down to the hotel bar to pick up a one-nighter one of these evenings.

  17. stineybean permalink
    July 12, 2010 9:11 pm

    I really like the graphic you chose. It says, hey, I have a heart, it’s here, ready to get shot through by cupid’s arrow, but too bad your particular brand of arrows are bent and lame. Thanks for the laughs lady!

  18. July 13, 2010 4:25 pm

    haha, this is a funny story. It sounds like he completely forgot he had that exchange with you – or he was hoping you would forget…

  19. July 16, 2010 1:15 pm

    Wow – I mean, I was loving that story – but the “how r u?” totally clinched it. That’s just humor at its finest.

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