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Super Ex Pops In To Create Emotional Turmoil

July 20, 2010

After 5 successful months of not-doing-this-bullshit-anymore, Super Ex has made his return. You may remember that our mutually beneficial friendship grew tumultuous, then painful… until I ended it.

True to my word, I erased all traces of him. I took him off my chat lists, restricted his Facebook access, and removed him from my phone. I was ready to leave our history in the past and look for my future.

And sure, I’ve missed him. But I’ve been convinced that the puppy-love bullshit was just getting in the way of what I really need.

Until he called. I recognized the number. With a pit in my stomach I listened to the voicemail. And then the text messages started. The barrage of communication quickly eroded my steadfast determination and before I knew it, I’d invited him to join me at a wine bar. Which he did.

Seeing him for the first time in months felt like slamming into a wall of chocolate because, Fuck, that really hurt but I’m kind of intrigued to see what kind of delicious and indulgent mistake this could turn into and curious to see what a chocolate wall tastes like and this one is right here in front of me… Plus, it’s been a really long time since I’ve had any chocolate.

So yeah, I ate the chocolate wall. Stop judging me. (Has everyone made it through this metaphor in one piece? If not, a hint: I slept with him.)

But I really shouldn’t have because now I’m back to the emotional turmoil I left behind (or started ignoring more effectively) 5 months ago. Who knows what’s next: several months of hooking up; a return to a strict friendship-only friendship; blow out fight with broken glassware… The options are endless. But I do know where it’s not ending: a relationship.

Here we go again, for a little Super Ex ride. It may last only a week before I slam the communication door, or maybe a few months. He’s a delicious tempter. I just can’t get him out of my system.

(Super Ex has caused enough emotional turbulence to earn his own category. Check out all the Super Ex posts here.)

30 Comments leave one →
  1. loveandcoco permalink
    July 20, 2010 6:20 am

    Oh dear…here’s hoping it ends well!

  2. July 20, 2010 6:21 am

    Hm… I did that. For three freaking years. I also blogged all that shit out of my system. Wish I could have written about it as wittily as you did though.

    My advice? F*** him. But don’t let him f*** you up.

    • Grace Adler permalink
      July 20, 2010 8:49 am

      “F*** him. But don’t let him f*** you up.”,<—– best advice ever! LOL!

  3. Turquisesumo permalink
    July 20, 2010 6:45 am

    Having just come outta an 8 year relationship, and finding out she cheated on me, i feel u 🙂

    Have decided to also expand my horizons and see what life still has to offer.

    So will be following u on twitter and Blog closely *wink*

  4. July 20, 2010 7:22 am

    I have a similar situation — a “super ex” I usually go back to when a relationship fails. So I have NO advice whatsoever (not that you asked ;)), but I do hope that things work out well…like with a mutual parting (tough to do with a chocolate wall, I know) as opposed to a big blow-out.

    Take care!

  5. July 20, 2010 8:38 am

    UGH – super exs suck. I hope you soon find a chocolate river. You know, equally as delicious, without the pain.

    • dru permalink
      July 27, 2010 4:19 pm

      I like what you did there. And I second that hope.

  6. July 20, 2010 8:40 am

    I don’t know what I’d do if my Super Ex called…but he pulled the infamous disappearing act from one day to the next. He wouldn’t even discuss what happened with me, didn’t return my last texts or final phone call/vm. So he’s completely gone from my life – FB, phone & the gifts he gave me. I actually think he moved out of state, but am not positive.

    RAWR to the Super Ex! Have fun? 😉

  7. July 20, 2010 8:51 am

    FYI – I love chocolate and I use to shop at the same place for all my chocolate but recently all my chocolate stores have closed/stopped serving me!

    We’ve all been there and I hope you make it out emotional unscathed… in the mean time as someone who has gone without chocolate for a while… EAT UP!! IT SO GOOOOOOOD!!!

  8. July 20, 2010 8:55 am

    Been there done that… Dated off & on since 16 .. After the last breakup, didn’t talk for 4 mths. Had to see each other for a legal issue w/ old landlord so we started talking. We ended up on a vacay together w/ mutual friends, had sex. After the sex I realized I was no longer that girl who wanted him anymore.

    When your fully over him and not just ignoring him.. He’ll go away. After the lackluster sex (which sucked bcuz our sex was ALWAYS the best) I cut him off. No looking back.

  9. July 20, 2010 9:17 am

    Chocolate walls: because sometimes the home-made variety just doesn’t cut it.

  10. July 20, 2010 9:40 am

    I’m all for having fun and enjoying yourself. Though when it comes to someone where emotions have been turbulent at best, be very careful. Or just run the other way.

  11. July 20, 2010 9:41 am

    I, like a few of the ladies here, also have a variation of Super Ex. It started at 15, and the most recent “permanent break” occurred this fall, i.e. 12 years later.

    The draw to these guys is so strong it’s almost gravitational. You wander off, thinking you’ve found the one that will push him aside forever, but something along the way pulls you back into friendship, then physical, then freak out by one party (usually by him).

    There is something so comforting about being with a partner that’s seen you through everything that happened from your teens to today. He’s that security blanket that you tuck into the closet because you’ve outgrown it, but you find yourself pulling it out when you’re looking for that extra cuddle factor when watching movies by yourself on a Friday night.

    It’s been 10 months since I removed my Super Ex from my phone, Facebook, and email address book (the electronic equivalent to putting your security blanket in a box in a storage locker). It hasn’t been easy. Every now and then I get the urge to send a friendly email or text, because, “Hey, we’ve always been friends, right?!”

    Super Exes are never an easy road, and you’re right – a relationship isn’t how this will end. If you’re someone who can enjoy the physical without putting your heart into it, TJ is right – eat up the chocolate, as it can be pretty tasty!

  12. Heidi permalink
    July 20, 2010 10:28 am

    I just read all your Super Ex posts and feel like I’m looking at my own relationship with my mine! I am at the zero contact point and hope to keep it that way because I know when that door opens even a little I’m tempted to swing it wide open once again. And as much as I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE chocolate….he’s not the only chocolate factory on the block… 😉

    My heart goes out to you and I wish you the best!!

  13. July 20, 2010 10:59 am

    Being that self-aware is interesting – Knowing that you’re walking into something that you’re 99% sure will end badly (or just end, period) but doing it anyway, I mean. And I’m totally not judging you because I’ve done it, my friends do it, people I don’t know do it. You do it because you just can’t help it. But still, it’s interesting.

    Also, LOL CHOCOLATE. That is so my new code word.

  14. Janet permalink
    July 20, 2010 1:35 pm

    I’ve done this, too. It’s a way to fill the hole (no pun intended)… We are human and our desire to love and be loved is great. I find these situations are usually self-limiting because as soon as you have one of the same old arguments, it will all come rushing back and you will know what you need to do.

  15. July 20, 2010 7:28 pm

    Well, you know my history going back to the Ex. As evaroads said, there’s comfort in what’s familiar. I feel you. No judgment. Enjoy that chocolate of yours, just remember to take care of that heart of yours.

  16. July 20, 2010 8:57 pm

    Meghan said it best “I soon hope you find a chocolate river…equally delicious, without all the pain….”

    As a thirty-two year old woman who has successfully called off any sort of relationship with my super Ex, I feel your pain. (it’s been one plus year, so that counts!) My biggest piece of advice is to have fun if you can….but when you start feeling once wince of “oh he’s changed this time…” get the hell out. He hasn’t!

    Good luck! I can’t wait to hear your updates.

  17. July 22, 2010 9:05 pm

    I’m going through something like that now as well! My ex boyfriend and I are now in some weird limbo gray area stage where we hang out, but we’re not together, but it feels like we are… Frankly it’s just messing with both of our heads :\ I hope you figure everything out with Super Ex!

  18. July 23, 2010 5:10 pm

    I wish I had a Super Ex.

    No, wait.

    I wish I were having chocolate.

    They are not mutually exclusive, and yet I have neither.

    Unless we’re talking about actual chocolate. In which case I’m all stocked up.

    • dru permalink
      July 27, 2010 4:34 pm

      I’m sorry, but what exactly do you think Texan morsels are made out of?


  19. July 25, 2010 12:31 pm

    I was actually eating hersey kisses when I started reading this entry and now I just can’t look at chocolate the same! My kisses seem pathetic compared to a Chocolate WALL!!! lol love it 🙂

  20. dru permalink
    July 27, 2010 5:12 pm

    Mm…I was actually just discussing you with my super ex – who isn’t really that much of a super ex; he might be if we didn’t have a convenient ocean between us – and we both agree that ‘just sex’ doesn’t work with people one is still in love with. Mainly because, for at least one party involved, it’s not just sex. It’s just sex with a person who makes us feel safe and beautiful and – for those moments of passion – loved.

    We’re both worried that you’re going to end up at the bottom of an emotional whole with a stomach ache from too much chocolate.

    So, please: Be careful.

    ❤ dru

    • July 27, 2010 5:15 pm

      you’re so sweet to be concerned!

      no worries though, we’re back to not speaking. i’ve been in that hole you mentioned before and i don’t want to go back. so, no contact it is.

      • dru permalink
        July 28, 2010 8:13 am

        I’m sorry for your loss, but I’m glad you’re okay.

        I’m also glad that you can see the trap and have decided to avoid it.

        We’re rooting for you 🙂

  21. July 28, 2010 3:22 pm

    do u have a twitter


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