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Meeting Mister Me, Part Deux: And Then I Freaked Out

August 19, 2010

(If you didn’t read yesterday’s post yet, you should do that first. I’m gonna kinda jump right in here.)

A girl doesn’t just turn down an ASAP second date request, so Mister Me and I ended up heading to wine and dinner that night. I donned a cocktail dress because sometimes? that’s how I roll.

We met up and enjoyed some wine and then dinner and then karaoke and then a make-out-y cab ride back to his sweet pad and then an overnight (chill, still nothing serious) and then brunch. In my cocktail dress. And then a few afternoon drinks, still in my cocktail dress. And then ANOTHER overnight.

So for those of you keeping track at home? That’s a 36 hour second date.

Keeping the conversation rolling for 36 hours was no sweat. But truth be told? The high of having met someone so similar, combined with three Naughty Lemonades, had us both talking about some pretty serious stuff. Like, canceling our other dates, fitting into each other’s lives and even serious, down the road, commitment stuff.

My life felt like it was changing. I’ve met someone with serious staying power! This is what I’ve been looking for!

Or is it? Had I just signed my life away? Maybe it was his absence or my sobriety or maybe just jitters in general, but suddenly Monday morning I was in all-out, tailspin, freakout mode.

And suddenly, I understand Love Interest E and Crazyface the Fratty Commitmentphobe because here I am looking at someone emotionally available who actually likes me and could change my life for the better and I should be jumping for joy but instead I can’t breathe and I’m near tears. I feel like my heart is either skipping beats or not beating at all. I. am. terrified.

But no, I’m not going to run. First I’m going to breathe. And then I’m going to communicate. And then I’m going to have a martini because this shit is hard, y’all.

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21 Comments leave one →
  1. August 19, 2010 7:20 am

    I think we all go through this stage and you think shit, what am I going to do? But then you just ignore that after your minor freakout and move on. Freakouts are normal (I have at least one good one over something once a month) and then it all balances out. It’s part of me having to control my life and not being able to control it at all.

  2. meredith permalink
    August 19, 2010 7:21 am

    no one will blame you if you switch up the order there, and go with martini first. though snorting martini through your nose? bad idea. so start with breathing. THEN martini. then communicate.

    you’re welcome.

  3. Ash D. permalink
    August 19, 2010 7:26 am

    good call, oxygen is your best friend at this moment.

    You know my husband and I started dating at 17, less then a month after that we knew we loved each other and wanted to get married. YEah I was 17, but that was also 9 years ago. Sometimes you just know, and it kinda seems that way for you. Don’t over think things, just feel your feelings for him, and breathe.

  4. August 19, 2010 8:29 am

    Oh gosh, I cringed when I saw the post title worried that you were going to run. This guy sounds worth hanging around to see where it goes simply by the virtue of how you’re responding to him. Yes, I agree that communicating your thoughts and feelings will give you relief, because you never know; maybe he’s got questions too. Jitters are expected, and the right kind of person lets you have them, but wants to be what you’ve chosen on the other side of it. So he won’t be threatened by your need for stability, but rather encourage it. Sorry I didn’t mean to sound like Dr. Phil just there…I went through the very same thing with my now husband. In fact, I refused to marry him for the longest time because of my jitters and fears. He just patiently let me go through all of my feelings about it and was prepared to be with me, married or not. Hang tough girl!

  5. August 19, 2010 8:40 am

    Have I ever mentioned how much I love my commenters? Because I do. Each and every one of you.

  6. August 19, 2010 8:40 am

    I always wonder what’s better… to start off hot and heavy or ease into it!

    Starting off like this always leads to a little trepidation, but I agree if you can weather the mental/emotional storm you’re going through… it’ll be smooth sailing on the other side.

  7. August 19, 2010 9:44 am

    I agree. This guy definitely sounds worth hanging around for. 36 hour dates are rare. Especially ones where the conversation flows easily.

  8. August 19, 2010 9:48 am

    Agree on all above comments. 36 hours in a row would also send me into a (brief) tailspin. But breathing + martinis + communication usually ends a person up a good place. Maybe with great friends…or an awesome guy! 😉

  9. August 19, 2010 9:51 am

    You could always hit him over the head with a bottle and hide the body. Harsh perhaps, but it eliminates the uncertainty.

  10. August 19, 2010 10:47 am

    I’ve had 1 36hr date in my life. We’re now married, which may make you feel a little uneasy, but know that they are rare. Because you were able to keep talking and nothing awkward happened. Breathe. Drink a martini or two. Talk with him, since it seems you don’t have problems talking about serious things and see where things go. Most of all, have fun!!

  11. August 19, 2010 11:58 am

    I know EXACTLY how you are feeling. I’m about 6 weeks into dating someone that started off with a 36 hour second date – followed by a major freakout by me that thankfully I didn’t share with him! Things are going good so far… 🙂 Ride it out and see where it goes and enjoy it!

  12. August 19, 2010 11:59 am

    I know EXACTLY how you feel. This is the scariest part of dating, I think. Hang in there, have a drink, BREATHE, maybe take a few days for yourself. Then, see him again. Maybe slow it down a bit – ie, no more 36-hour dates for a couple of weeks. If he seems worth it, take a leap…

    • August 19, 2010 12:09 pm

      does spending two days at a bratwurst fest out of town count as slowing it down? because if not, i fail. as usual.

      • August 19, 2010 12:56 pm

        LOL – will you guys be together? If so, nope, definitely not slowing it down. You are accelerating it with an out of town trip :). But if it feels right, well, then go with it!! I can’t wait to hear more!

  13. August 19, 2010 12:46 pm

    Ooh. I actually get this feeling fairly regularly.

    The only problem? I stop feeling it fairly regularly, too.

    Be careful and know that we’re here when you need us 🙂

    ( Also, have fun! That’s important )

  14. stineybean permalink
    August 19, 2010 3:27 pm

    So many times, we dwell in negativity, we lounge at the pool of dismalness and we trudge through the muck of life that when something good, nice and wondrous occurs we simply cannot trust, believe or appreciate it. Don’t live for sewage, live for clean crisp happy waters, dollface. Enjoy.

  15. August 20, 2010 7:07 am

    Stineybean is absolutely right!!! Just because you’ve met with failure in relationship partners before DOES NOT MEAN this relationship partner will act like all of the others. Believe that this time will be different, and this time will be different! You can only find love if your heart is wide open to the possibility. There’s risk involved with that, but when two people really click the rewards are tremendous! Live in the moment and enjoy each and every one of those moments, and don’t allow yourself to be held back by the past!

  16. September 9, 2010 9:05 pm

    Yup. That’s about how it happens.

    (Sorry. I’m married. I WANT EVERYONE TO GET MARRIED.)

    Good luck!

Trackbacks

  1. Space Heals All Freak Outs « The Engagement Project
  2. I’ve Got No Unrest To Give « The Engagement Project
  3. The Good Stuff « The Engagement Project

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