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Space Heals All Freak Outs

September 2, 2010

Reblogged from 9gag (click for more)

You may remember that, last I posted, I was battling an intense urge to freak the fuck out and make a desperate get-away attempt from what might be a promising relationship.

Because I’m awesome at following unbiased, logical advice to slow things down, I went with Mister Me to his home town for a bratwurst festival that he promised me would be all drinking & bratwurst and zero cuddling & pressure.

False.

I mean, there was drinking and bratwurst, don’t get me wrong. There was also karaoke and carnies. We ate and drank and partied and tried to win live rabbits. I consumed an unhealthy amount of bratwurst in variations that boggle the mind (Pitawurst, for example. Like, what the fuck?). Mister Me won Most Muscular in a sexy legs competition and I karaoked in front of a crowd of intimidating-looking high school kids. On the surface, we had a great time.

But underneath? I was freaking out again. We spent these good times with Mister Me’s family and life-long friends. Who happen to all be engaged. So yes, there was pressure.

By the end of the weekend, I was panicking worse than I had been before. Mister Me drove me to the nearest airport so I could hop a plane to Vegas; I needed to get away and have some me time. Some time to reflect. Some time to either miss him or not… and to let that guide me.

Mister Me is seven years older and his commitment equipment is set to All Systems Go. Which is quite a change from my string of disinterested dates and commitmentally-challenged boyfriends. But he didn’t quite get my desperate need for space. He called everyday, trying to “say hi” while I was working/playing in Vegas. Normally, that would be sweet, but instead it felt suffocating.

The answer, as always, turned out to be that old tried and true: communication.

For the first time in my life, I asked for space. I needed to feel free of daily “check in” obligations, no matter how innocent. I needed to know that hanging out is a choice and not an obligation. I needed time to make sure that I’d be choosing him in the absence of any requirement to do so.

And you know what? Worked like a charm. As soon as it was a choice, I wanted to see him. I missed our dinners and our effortless conversation and his unflinching generosity.

I mindgamed myself into not wrecking a great thing; a little space had me wishing for less of it.

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10 Comments leave one →
  1. September 2, 2010 11:20 am

    YAY!! And, Vegas. A great distraction/I-need-space destination.

    🙂

  2. September 2, 2010 11:40 am

    I agree completely, sometimes you just need space. I’m glad that you were able to recognize this in yourself and it helped improve the budding relationship!

  3. September 2, 2010 11:59 am

    She: “I just need a little space, man”
    He: “Do I look like the director of NASA to you?”

    • September 5, 2010 9:57 pm

      Space. The final frontier.

      Although in this case, perhaps just a pit stop on the way to Venus.

  4. Courtney permalink
    September 2, 2010 12:51 pm

    Great post—glad to hear how things are going. And I ❤ the picture at the top of this post. Perfect.

  5. September 2, 2010 3:26 pm

    I have a tendency to freak out too. We’re raised to be hesitant when something seems too good to be true! Fact of life. 🙂

    I’m glad you are insightful enough to ask for space when you need it, or just think you MIGHT need it. It’s a sign of maturity, I think. Instead of throwing away something that has the potential to be amazing, you’re simply taking a step back to re-assess. You go, girl.

    Also, I love the ending. Keep us posted!!

  6. September 2, 2010 7:15 pm

    When I first read “commitmentally-challenged” I read it as “mentally-challenged”, which, given that you seem to be pretty freakin’ awesome, could technically ring true.

    And hooray for honest communication.
    Was that part of the 27 levels?

  7. September 2, 2010 8:35 pm

    I’m glad a little space seems to have fixed things. He seems like a good guy and glad he could understand what you needed.

  8. Janet permalink
    September 11, 2010 2:53 pm

    Oh, I get this.

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  1. I’ve Got No Unrest To Give « The Engagement Project

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