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Facebook Sticks Its Nose In

October 7, 2010

Well, it’s happened.

We held out for 8 weeks, 3 mutual friends and 10 shared pics. But finally, Mister Me cracked and sent me a Facebook friend request, thus ending our awkward social media stand-off.

And what did I do immediately? Find his ex girlfriend. Because I cannot help myself, y’all.

That shit is just too tempting, which is exactly why I was totally digging our separate Facebook worlds.

Before we connected on Facebook, there remained a little piece of Mister Me that was untouchable, mysterious. I didn’t get to see his Ex or who’s writing on his wall or what he “likes.” If there was something I wanted to know about Mister Me I actually had to ask him… which is sooo nineties… Or in the case of the unaskables (“Am I hotter than your ex?”*) I just had to wonder. It made me think and kept me guessing and it was exciting!

But that didn’t stop me from snooping all those exact things as soon as I admitted to Mark Zuckerberg and the rest of the world that I know him. First order of business was snoop the ex, then dissect the pics, then check out the likes and then browse the friend list. And now all that exciting guess-worthy stuff is right out in the open, right there for public consumption and that. is. totally. lame.

A while ago, Friend J took the mic and cursed out Facebook, and now? I have to echo her sentiments. There’s such a thing as too much knowledge. Now I’ve seen pictures of the fabled epic nights and I can put faces with most friend’s names… before I’ve met them. And that’s weird.

If I’ve gained all this new knowledge in 24 hours, I can’t even imagine what Mister Me has uncovered.

Why did I feel the need to stalk? I didn’t. Not really. It was just too easy, too available and I couldn’t help myself. Does anyone really resist the urge to peruse the pictures of a new love interest? Can anyone ignore all the information that is so readily at their fingertips? Is it even prudent to avoid learning what you can? As EvaRoads put it “Facebook stalking is a modern girl’s due diligence.” It just used to be harder to discover the juicier bits of someone’s past.

So now that I’ve done my homework and Nope, Mister Me still does not appear to be an axe murderer, I’ll be abstaining from faceStalking him. Facebook should not be allowed to interfere in relationships at least until the sixth month. Something’s are better discovered offline.


*Answer: yes.

9 Comments leave one →
  1. October 7, 2010 9:35 am

    Sometimes you know what you don’t know… and sometimes you don’t. Sometimes the mystery is nice, but other times it’s nice to see the flags right off the hop.

    Very happy for you that you’re hotter than his ex – was there ever any doubt?! 🙂

  2. October 7, 2010 9:40 am

    My last boyfriend didn’t use facebook, twitter, or any sort of online networking with the exception of OKCupid (which is how we met). Not gonna lie, I loved it. When I wanted to know something about him, I asked him. When I met his friends, I didn’t have any idea what they would look like or how they would act. And when we broke up & I changed my relationship status to “Single,” no emails or notifications were sent out to him. More importantly, I didn’t have to worry about seeing HIS updates, who he dated next, etc.

    Side note: It *did* hurt like hell to see him back on OKCupid (we were still a 97% match) a couple of months after the break-up. But at least I avoided the facebook awkwardness.

    As for you — at the VERY least, you know you’re hotter than his ex. That’s not a bad thing!

  3. dru permalink
    October 7, 2010 9:51 am

    Mm, recently went through this with my guy. We’ve been facebook friends for a while but we weren’t actually “In a Relationship” for like two months. And he had defriended his ex.

    Which did not stop facebook from suggesting that she and I become friends. Which was totally an invitation to stalk her. Unfortunately she is cuter than me ( if you like boys ) and I was reminded of why I should keep my nose out.

    Good luck!

  4. October 7, 2010 10:53 am

    FB is definatly a double edged sword in regards to dating.

    On one hand, I agree with the need for due dilligance. Information provided on social networks can give you an idea about what each of us would consider our clear-cut criteria (for example, I avoid vegans and neo-conservatives). You (in theory and concept) save time with dating by avoiding the dates you know (assume) won’t work out.

    On the other hand, I’ve dated a lot. I used to friend them early in the dating process, but it was obvious that was a bad idea, not as much from a creeping perspective but from the fact that sometimes the bad ones would cling to my social network presence even though I had moved on.

    It’s a mixed bag but I find I’m really leaning more and more towards your approach B. I’m not a CIA operative on a mission; I don’t need to know every detail out there to strategically lay out my plan. I think I will give your approach a full on try with the next woman I date. We’ll see how it goes.

  5. October 7, 2010 10:57 am

    Facebook was an issue in the beginning of our relationship. We were freshmen in college and Facebook was pretty new. You know, only college kids could be on it… The worst was exes who he was still kind of friends with writing on his wall. I was young and a little jealous and not sure what to do with all of that.

    Luckily, you found out what you needed and now it seems you’re fine with it.

    Now the real question is, what did he find out about you? hah

  6. October 7, 2010 11:40 am

    Especially when things are new with a guy, I like to try to avoid becoming Facebook friends. I don’t want to learn too much about them through social media, I want to at least have the opportunity to learn these things about them in person. It takes away all the mystery. And when things are so new, and you aren’t exclusive, then you do stress unnecessarily over every girl that writes on his wall, even his ex girlfriend. It just can get in the way of the normal progression of a relationship, I think. Oh, and never mind that I use my Facebook page to promote my blog. I try to get the blog on the wraps until the third date. 🙂

    All that said…. I am a huge Facebook stalker. I try to follow my own rules, but if a guy then adds me and decides he wants to take that leap, well leap we will. I’ve admitted a few Facebook stalking mistakes on my blog too, LOL. Including recently where my sister in another state wanted to see the guy I was dating. She logged onto Facebook, and I helped her find his profile. She was asking me questions about the pictures, so I opened up my computer and looked with her. Fast forward to a few hours later, and said guy is at my house making me dinner. He asks to borrow my computer. Opens up the laptop, and it’s right on his Facebook page. Deeeeeep within the pictures. Hello stalker. I only semi-learned my lesson on this one. It started out innocent enough!

  7. Maggie_C permalink
    October 7, 2010 1:58 pm

    Man. I’m glad that Last Boyfriend and I exploded before MySpace and Facebook took off. Sure, we had livejournal drama, and I think the “In a Relationship” status still present until recently on our friendster(!) accounts *technically* referred to each other, but that all just seems tame by comparison.

    Husband and I started dating just as Facebook opened up to the public; he & I were some of the early adopters from the riff-raff set, and by the time our Facebook feeds had any real history to them, we were engaged.

    What I’m saying is: shit, I do not envy anyone who has to endure dating in the age of Facebook.

  8. October 7, 2010 6:03 pm

    I’m the only one I know aside from my 56-year-old manfriend who is not on Facebook. This pickle you’re in is one of the many reasons why. (But secretly also why I want to join, because I’m a journalist and I think we all know that’s just a fancy term for “stalker.”)

  9. riks permalink
    December 26, 2010 6:56 pm

    Am I hotter than your ex is an unaskable? I ask shit like that about every girl or androgynous name that comes up in converstion

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