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When Men Behave

November 4, 2010

Something seems to be in the air lately. We’ve entered that eerily coincidental zone where the planets have aligned and all of my friends are happy with the men in their lives. Mercury must be in retrograde… if that happens. I know very little about astronomy.

It’s so weird. No one is pissed.

One couple is happily moving up the latter of commitment. Another lives together in quiet contentment. Yet another added a four-legged family member. Still another wasn’t even pissed when her boyfriend dressed up as Pre-Op Transsexual complete with a vascular rubber dildo peeking out of his boyshort panties. For Halloween. Not, like, for Tuesday.

Suddenly no one has anything to bitch about. We get together and drink wine and discuss… calories and anti-wrinkle cream.

God, we are so boring without badly behaved men to entertain the obsession centers of our brains.

I know this is kind of a careful-what-you-wish-for situation, but the straight up truth is, men behaving badly is kind of our go-to topic. It gives us a common enemy and thus a passionate cause to obsess about, because how dare he refuse to watch Finding Nemo with you?

When men behave we must search for neutral topics of mild mutual interest. We might as well trade brownie recipes or vacuum cleaner reviews.

On the plus side, these little pockets of relief from naughty boyfriends give us a chance to remember how much we love the knuckleheaded opposite sex.  When we’re all simultaneously happy it’s easy to imagine sailing through life in wedded bliss, rather than toiling in the constant strain of relationship effort. And that’s where they get us.

Because though they can be difficult and frustrating and, we sometimes think, emotionally dead inside, when they’re good they are sooo good. They buy tampons and book massages and bring flowers and reserve tables at favorite restaurants.

But it won’t last forever. Soon, someone will slip up and pick football over couple time or complain about his 98.8 “fever” or come home at 4am with vomit on his shirt, and us ladies will have something to gripe about again.


We live for that shit.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. November 4, 2010 12:38 pm

    Bad Men… bring Girls & Ladies together since 1900 A.D. 😉

  2. November 4, 2010 12:57 pm

    Yay for you & your couple friends!

    The (very) new man has been great so far: two dates at two awesome restaurants, a third finally set for tonight (his place, he’s cooking!), he texted me every few days while I was on vacation for 10 days – just the right amount so there’s been no suffocation! Woohoo!

    (Crossing my fingers that this one’ll stick around for more than 3 months. Otherwise it’ll be a bitch sesh with the gfs!)

  3. November 4, 2010 1:25 pm

    “Not, like, for Tuesday.” Almost spit my drink onto my computer!

  4. Michael Ratterman permalink
    November 10, 2010 10:51 pm

    Uh no man would refuse to watch Finding Nemo, possibly worst example of a chick flick or movie guys aren’t suppose to like. Perfect example would have been Leap Year, ask the gf of the pre-op tranny about how he/she sat through that one.

  5. December 16, 2010 11:13 am


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