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Bitches Be Crazy

December 16, 2010

I’ll admit it. I am one crazy bitch.

Despite my best intentions to be a reasonable, understanding and selfless girlfriend, sometimes my crazy side gets a strangle hold on my mind and wont let go. Try to squelch her as I may, that bitch is loud.

Take my latest internal battle:

Mister Me has this tight group of friends. They are a wonderfully supportive and rowdy crowd. This group of 20 or so has formed the tightest group bond I’ve ever seen. I’m in awe of them.

Within the group there is one chick in particular. This chick is direct, crass, hilarious and loves a good Sunday Funday. Naturally, I love her. I consider her a kindred spirit.

So where’s the drama? you’re thinking.

Here it is: Mister Me dated Kindred Spirit.

Of course, it was years ago and only lasted a few months and everyone’s had several relationships since blah blah blah… But… still.

I did not know about their brief past when I decided to adore Kindred Spirit, and it seems strange to stop now… but an internal battle rages on.

Something about the past relationship with her irks me in a place beyond reason. I know it’s petty and not worth my mental angst… but she’s seen my man naked, y’all. Can you really say that wouldn’t bother you at all?

Yesterday was Kindred Spirit’s birthday dinner. I was tied up with shopping, but Mister Me was planning on going.

I spent the entire day at war my inner crazy bitch, fighting the urge to pull girlfriend rank and say something passive aggressive enough to make him forgo the birthday party.

I had my line all set and ready to go, “Really? I’m gonna be out freezing my ass off in this weather trying to find a dress for YOUR company holiday party and you’re gonna be out drinking with a chick you used to sleep with?!”

While technically true, that characterization of the situation borders on pathological. My inner crazy bitch is not to be messed with. She’s insecure and possessive and immature and just generally… bitchy. She manipulates and schemes and suspects and turns relationships into her personal playground of pain and destruction.

And she lives inside me.

Man, who am I?

Reasonable me usually keeps a tight hold of the reigns, but every so often a fat day or PMS or overcooked potato skins gives Crazy Bitch the opportunity she needs to grab hold and tornado her way into my personal affairs.

Yesterday reason won out. I managed to avoid unleashing crazy all over Mister Me and Kindred Spirit’s birthday plans.

Victory!

But for how long?

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17 Comments leave one →
  1. stineybean permalink
    December 16, 2010 10:38 am

    That was hilarious! And, I know exactly what you mean.

    Two suggestions, talk to him or talk to her. Sometimes confessing these sorts of irrational thoughts out loud makes it less likely Crazy Bitch will be taken too seriously when she does make a cameo.

    Good luck, doll.

  2. jenontheroad permalink
    December 16, 2010 10:49 am

    Yep, been there. I like to pretend that I am always wonderfully secure with myself (and, as a result, my relationships), but umm…that’s actually pretty rare.

    It is weird when you think about your bf’s past relationships…hands down. I tend to compare myself, and if I can’t see pictures/facebook/myspace/twitter of a guy’s last ex, I get these crazy notions in my head, like she’s probably so hot that every guy who sees her instantly has an orgasm just looking at her face or maybe her nipples taste like expensive, high-gravity beer.

    And that’s weird.

    So umm…good luck. I hope that reason continues to help you. If not, remember that he’s with you now. He’s not with Kindred Spirit anymore, and there’s a reason (probably a few reasons) for that. 😉

    • December 16, 2010 10:54 am

      um, if her nipples tasted like expensive, high-gravity beer… even i’d date her.

      • jenontheroad permalink
        December 16, 2010 11:04 am

        Yeah, that probably wasn’t helpful. I just get this ridiculous ideas about how awesome the previous lady was. Damn that competitive nature.

  3. December 16, 2010 11:06 am

    I totally feel for you. Insecurities are such a pain. I have the most amazing guy on the planet, and he would never, ever hurt me, but since my ex cheated on me so many times with so many girls who are not nearly as cute as me, I’m constantly paranoid and having to check the Crazy B inside of me at the door! Never an easy thing…

  4. December 16, 2010 11:10 am

    I so hate admitting it, but I get like this too. I had a serious boyfriend who cheated on me and did all sorts of crazy fucked up things, and so even though I’m with the greatest guy and I logically KNOW he would never do that, when we run into his exes, it brings out my inner psycho. I do pretty well keeping her at bay, but some days, I have no will power and her bitchy, passive aggressive comments come out before I know what is happening.

    I think it’s normal to feel like this. Hopefully you can find a way to deal with it since they seem like good friends. Talking to him might help, just to get it out there.

  5. December 16, 2010 11:47 am

    Like he wouldn’t turn into a mega bitch if one of your close male friends was an ex?! I say, embrace the inner bitch. 50% of the time, she actually may be right.

    • December 16, 2010 12:13 pm

      I saw an inkling of it when he asked me, baselessly, if I’d hooked up with my neighbor. There’s a little glimmer of irrational insecurity in all of us, i guess…

  6. December 16, 2010 12:30 pm

    It’s like you read my mind on this one. I get a crazy bitch inside of every so often too – I don’t know where she comes from, and I know she’s crazy, but sometimes I seriously can’t avoid her. She takes complete control. Congrats on one battle won… hopefully we both win the war against our crazy!

  7. December 16, 2010 4:46 pm

    Things are so different in the lesbian community. Because it’s so small, I suppose. We all know each other. My ex is one of my closest friends. My girlfriend’s ex is one of her closest friends. We accept. (And are comforted by stories about how everything went terribly, terribly wrong.)

    Did I just say “girlfriend”?

    I always seem to announce big news on your blog first.

  8. December 16, 2010 5:02 pm

    You will beat that bitch ass down whenever she rears her funky head. You got this.

  9. December 16, 2010 7:04 pm

    Holler. I might be a petite/tiny human, but my inner crazy bitch is 6 feet tall when she emerges… Luckily, I haven’t had a boyfriend in over a year for that to happen! But she even rears her head sometimes to those I’m dating. And I’ve always chosen NOT to think about boyfriends’ ex’s. It just gets messy.

  10. December 22, 2010 10:07 am

    From a Guys Perspective, because I’ve had a similar situation before (it was a one off), I’ve just made sure to reassure the girl at the time that my interest was solely on her. I probably got lucky in that the insecurity didn’t manifest (or that I wasn’t aware of it), but I consciously made the effort to show that it was just friends and that my intimate affections were directed only to her.

    On another note, last year I made the mistake of getting involved with someone who had deep ties with my inner circle of friends (we were both in the same co-ed business frat), and it created some awkward moments. I’m very hesitant now to date friends because of that. While that can be viewed as both good and bad, I simply try to meet their friends instead. Less direct awkward and more opportunity to see the kind of people that are out there.

  11. December 28, 2010 10:47 am

    Everyone has an inner bitch, it’s just how you choose to let her out, because she’s gonna come out eventually. Don’t worry, every girl has a little insecurity when it comes to thinks like that. And if the situation were reversed, I’m sure he would have an inner Asshole waiting to come out 😉

  12. February 28, 2011 4:33 pm

    So, I’m WAY late to this party, but had to comment on this! I’m in a similar situation. Except instead of adoring the ex, I instantly disliked her (before I even knew they dated.) Yikes. When I found out my crazy, passive-agressive, bitch came out in full force. Fortunately, once I calmed down and explained, the BF understood why I was upset (I was cheated on previously). When I finally came back and apologized for being crazy, he answered “It’s ok…you can’t help it.” Kind of the perfect answer. I now try to consiously keep the crazy at bay…it’s not easy. Good for you for keeping your cool!

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