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My Birthday: Golf, Vodka and Robot Stirrers.

April 14, 2011

Last year my dad gave me a migraine for my birthday. Because I do not learn from the past, I gave him the opportunity to do it again this year.

For my birthday dinner, we mixed the families.

Despite the public outcry of cautionary warnings, I was fairly certain this set of parents (the dads & stepmoms) would get along swimmingly. Much like Mister Me and I (and much different than our moms) our dad’s are essentially the same person.

These two doods are both ex-insurance sales guys, love stocks and live on golf courses. Their wives have the same name and, until coached otherwise, they both wore their sandals with socks.

In fact, when I arrived at Mister Me’s so we could get on the road to my dad’s, I found his dad unshowered, with a beer in hand watching the Masters. Which, I’m positive, is exactly what my dad was doing at the time.

Then we discussed the Masters the whole drive up which was kind of a one sided conversation because no one had watched it except Mister Me’s dad. So it was more a recitation of all of the… plays?… of the day. I don’t even know the right words to use for golf.

When we arrived my dad announced he was making his “specialty” lemon drop martinis for the occasion. I’m not sure where the “specialty” descriptor comes from because the man has only two drinks: vodka and ice or vodka and no ice.

So first we exchanged gifts and I got my usual assortment of slightly bizarre last minute gifts from my parents (… which I loved… in case you’re reading). Two sets of earrings from the jewelry party my stepmom went to the night before and this contraption that is essentially a Roomba for a pot of food. Like… it stirs your pots… that are on the stove… while you’re not there? I don’t fucking know, but apparently you get two robot stirrers for the price of one and they throw in a ladel/strainer combo. Because that’s what I got for my 27th birthday.

I guess fair is fair though because all I gave my dad for his birthday was an electronic cigarette.

Then we went to dinner and the men discussed golf and the ladies discussed kids and I drank a lot of wine and everyone ordered the same thing except my dad who got the smoked salmon plate…? …and a vodka with no ice. We are more similar than I care to admit.

So basically it all went really well except for the part when my brother asked whether Mister Me and I would be making him an uncle soon and I, before realizing that was kind of a weird conversation to have with a 15-year-old in front of both sets of parents, told him that Mister Me wants kids way sooner than I do.

That produced some awkward silence.

13 Comments leave one →
  1. April 14, 2011 11:16 am

    Electronic cigarettes rule hard. Good choice. You’re a good daughter. Happy Birthday I love you.

  2. BCubed permalink
    April 14, 2011 11:20 am

    Too funny – especially the last paragraph!

  3. April 14, 2011 11:23 am

    Your life cracks me up. It’s like scene from Juno except you’re not 16 or knocked up. Either way, happy birthday. I will drink a vodka (no ice) in honor of you.

  4. riks permalink
    April 14, 2011 1:32 pm

    haha i wish there were a way for me to “like” this, and specifically like the last part

  5. April 14, 2011 2:16 pm

    Happy birthday. 🙂

  6. Janet permalink
    April 14, 2011 2:30 pm

    I just love everything you write.

  7. April 14, 2011 3:11 pm

    You seriously need a reality tv show. Hilarious. Also, I’ve seen those robot stirrers and they are strange, but kind of neat. Happy birthday! (And what did Mister Me get you because I bet he can do better than that…)

  8. April 14, 2011 7:59 pm

    Hahaha. I love this. I’m living vicariously through your crazy/fun family because mine is nothing like that at all! Except my Dad could talk golf all day, every day, and then some. (And I actually can hold my own, too.)

    Happy birthday, lady! And HOORAY for suspicious Mister Me behavior lately!!! 😀

  9. April 14, 2011 8:42 pm

    I’ve seen the infomercial for that stirrer-er-er. If your parents are reading, I think it is an awesome-er-er gift. Really.

    Happy birthday-er!

  10. August 2, 2012 12:06 am

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  11. March 1, 2013 1:56 pm

    I don’t drop many responses, however i did a few searching and wound up here My Birthday: Golf, Vodka and Robot Stirrers. | The Engagement Project. And I actually do have a few questions for you if it’s allright.
    Is it only me or does it appear like a few of
    the responses appear like written by brain dead individuals?
    😛 And, if you are posting at additional social sites,
    I would like to keep up with anything new you have to post.
    Could you list of all of your public sites like your Facebook
    page, twitter feed, or linkedin profile?

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