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A Handy Guide To Surviving A Break

May 4, 2010

The communication ban has been lifted and after all that heartache and sleeplessness and lots of tweeted whiny-ness, the break is over. Love Interest E is interested in moving forward with a slower pace and a lighter mood. I’m pumped; it will be fun to stop all this rushing and get back to being goofy and laughing and getting taken to task in scrabble, and yes, lesbian karaoke bars. Oh, how I’ve missed them.

Here’s some rules that I wish I had written before the break. But I didn’t. So I suffered. But now you don’t have to! You’re welcome.

1. Please eat something. Seriously. Even if you feel like throwing up, not eating is just making you more mentally unstable. Low blood sugar combined with heartache puts everyone in your proximity in life-threatening danger.

2. Don’t obsess. The break is for you to get centered too. Go out with your buddies and then talk about OTHER THINGS. My main topic of conversation for the first few days was the break. And then I needed a break from talking about the break, but my friends were a little gun shy from previous conversations. I had to promise zero mentions of Love Interest E.

3. Don’t drink too much. It was tempting to go out! and drink the world! and rage out! and run around dancing and making out with boys and then drunkenly remember your life is falling apart… and then dissolve into a sloshy pile of tears. I’m really glad I followed this rule for once in my damned life.

4. Go out to dinner alone. Just do it. Afterward you’ll get to say, Omfg, I lived! That was not the end of the world! And you might get chatted up! I did, but turns out he was just waiting for his blind date to show up. Figures… Also, people on twitter will tell you you’re bitchin’, if you dig for the compliment a bit.

5. Go look at datable people. Go to sports games, go to the bar, go to the gym, or even, just go run a search on a dating site. Thinking about starting over with someone new, how overwhelming and impossible even finding someone new is going to be, will depress you. Until you look around. And then you realize they are everywhere. Just look at them, all those possibilities and what if’s just milling around, ripe for the snagging. Suddenly single wont feel quite so revolting.

6. Don’t go all emo on me. You will not be single for the rest of your life. You will not “never find someone so compatible again.” You are not doomed to a life of cats and Soup-at-Hands and Snapped marathons on TLC. So turn off the Secondhand Serenade, take off the sweatpants and go DO something, for God’s sake.

17 Comments leave one →
  1. May 4, 2010 9:20 am

    SOLID LIST! I could have used that myself a couple years back, because 1-4 were big ones for me.

    Good to hear your on the up and up though!

  2. May 4, 2010 9:36 am

    richqb would like me to clarify that after you take off the sweatpants you should put on other pants before proceeding to go DO something, for God’s sake.

    • cyrae permalink
      May 4, 2010 9:51 am

      Everyone’s an editor (richqb). But as always, a perfect graphic/photo. Who wouldn’t want to at least TRY to cheer up that cute little teddy?!?

  3. May 4, 2010 11:36 am

    I was all pumped about #6 until richqb filled the ointment up with hateful flies. I live for Pantsless Thursdays.

  4. May 4, 2010 4:08 pm

    Great list!

  5. May 4, 2010 4:30 pm

    Also, once you start drinking (which you inevitably will) it’s probably smart to give your cell phone battery to a trusted friend.

    • May 4, 2010 7:29 pm

      Dang! That’s what I forgot! I took Love Interest E completely out of my phone and left his number at work. Removed any temptation for impromptu communication.

      • May 4, 2010 8:01 pm

        Totally! I feel bad for my pre-cell phone era exes, I knew their numbers by heart.

        Thank God we live in a world where we don’t know anyone’s number from memory anymore!

        • May 9, 2010 1:45 am

          Oh, so that’s why you never call. I was starting to take it personally.

  6. May 4, 2010 7:34 pm

    Excellent list! I agree with Margaret about removing batteries or cell numbers or whatever it is to ENSURE that you avoid all temptation to call. Nothing will make you feel like more of an ass, than waking up the next morning and realizing you called 2 (or 18..) times at 4 am. Congrats on the un-break!

  7. May 4, 2010 9:53 pm

    Awesome list… really could have used it 2 years ago, because I totally didn’t put pants on before I went to do something…

  8. May 5, 2010 4:17 pm

    whew! smart man, finally! and thanks for the list. will use it, no doubt, soon.

  9. May 5, 2010 8:30 pm

    YOu’re hilarious to read. Where was this the past four years while I was in college? I’m in a serious relationship, but some of my girlfriends could really have used this. However, I’m still frightened of going to dinner by myself…i may have to try this.

  10. May 6, 2010 7:42 am

    Snapped marathons FTW.

    Also, these are great rules for every day as well as break-time.

  11. May 8, 2010 3:54 pm

    “You are not doomed to a life of cats”

    Aww, baby. You make it sound as if it were a bad thing.

  12. May 11, 2010 10:22 am

    You are hilarious. Good tips too! I’m now off to go point myself to the nearest available lesbian karaoke bar.


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